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I recently spent a few Saturdays searching the net looking at literally hundreds of sites. I finally came across one that seemed to have hope. I can say with great conviction that Anastasia Dating is the biggest scam on the planet.
The owners of this agency should be locked up for defrauding tens of thousands of men millions of dollars. I wrote a little about some experiences with scam sites. Since the letters go through the agency, it is impossible to know if they were even written by the woman you are corresponding with. If you and the woman feel comfortable, you can exchange personal emails and talk on your yahoo or gmail account.
I logged in and began browsing through the women listed on the site. The first thing that I noticed about the site is that the descriptions of what the women are looking for sound realistic — like they were actually written by women clients. This is unlike on Anastasia dating where the comments are completely unrealistic.
Example, a 22 year old bombshell is looking for a 64 year old man and wants to have children tomorrow. And I wondered, what kind of success will I have? How would I fare? Would women want to marry me out of my wheelchair with arms, legs and a face? I decided to give it a go and find out. Rather than email, you can send an EOI Expression of Interest , when the woman gets it, she gives you a thumbs up or down — saving you the work of sending her an email.
Also, while there are many many beautiful women on the site. Some have clearly gone to a photographer but the photos look nice and tactful, not like these near-porn agency photos you see at other sites. Most of the agencies use photos that are very sexually provocative — this is done with the intent of getting you to think with your little head instead of your big head. If any woman on the site asks you for money, you are to report her and her profile will be pulled. Speaking of interpreters, Elena advertises that most of her women speak English.
No need to interpret letters if the woman can speak English. But, for the few who do not speak English, Elena encourages you to use a free translation service like Google Translate or you can pay a fee to have her agency translate. Of the ladies that replied affirmatively to my expression of interest, I began writing some letters. Perhaps the lady had a change of heart. I appreciated the honesty. After all of the lies that I have seen in this industry, I had become quite jaded.
In the two or three weeks since I signed up, I have begun a daily correspondence with about a half dozen women who I feel are genuinely interested in me. All of this dialogue — without interference from the agency. And all of this without recurring costs. Just the way it should be. I am already making plans to visit one woman. I have already been to the city where she lives. I can get a cab from the airport and rent my own apartment.
I want to answer every email, every question, ask my own questions. When my vacation comes in a few months, I am going to have to pick which few women I am going to come and visit.
I have decided now to see 3 or 4. I will probably meet 3 or 4 women and then decide who I want to pursue a relationship with — if any of them at all. In reality, you are really talking to a secretary or letter writer. In my experience the process was rife with fraud. For this reason, I am endorsing this agency and even contacted them about advertising on the site.
If you are considering making the effort to find an Eastern European wife — my recommendation is to be very careful when you select an agency. Copyright Act of , which allows for the sharing of copyrighted materials for the purposes of commentary, criticism and education.
All shared material will be attributed to its owner and a link provided when available. All other stories, posts, reports, photos, videos and content on this site is copyright protected and is the property of the Western Women Suck blogpage, all rights reserved. I have read your entire review. I have wasted a lot of time and money prior to this — all on scam artists.
To say I am pissed off would be kind!! How are things going? Can you elaborate on your visit, and if the women you were to see were real, etc?
Are you sure Anastasiadate. No girl at all are real? And how about UaDreams is that the same? Did you meet her via email, via video-chat or have you physically flown to Kharkov and taken this woman out to dinner?
Does she speak English and if not, how much does the interpreter cost? Are there some legitimate women on the site? Yes, but overall, the site serves only to separate you from your money. Imagine if you were buying a house. You go to your local realtor and they bring you to this house or that.
You choose a house and make an offer to the seller. This is how it works and how it should work. You see ten houses that you are interested in buying. You call the Anastasia realtor. You decide that you have some questions about the house.
You then decide that you want to visit one of the homes. Thanks men for your reviews and comments. I feel so stupid. I also got ripped off by Anastasia Date. One woman from Greece seemed so real. She was 46 and cute, bright and happy. I searched for reviews and my thoughts were confirmed. Especially when talking to their customer service. Thanks men for having our back. Great subject matter Scott. Just wanted to say thanks brother.
Cheers, Kevin from Ventura, Ca. Thanks for your comment. That says a lot. Hi Stefan, I can reassure you AnanastsiaDate. They started out legit in as a Russian Bride mail order catalog by an American and his Russian wife. Back in the s you would see advertisements in the local newspaper from Russian women looking for a husband. These ads were the work of the local scientific research and development companies wanting to employ the worlds top scientists in their company and the top scientists have always been Russian and could only get them into the country by way of a fiancee visa and marriage against the odds of America instructing our Govt.
Anastasia went online in using the domain http: You did not have to register to check out the ladies profiles and it became a common work place past time. They used to provide the ladies addresses and home phone numbers on the profiles and some were free to contact as some ladies in Russia paid to use the service. I was involved with Anastasia back in and where I wasted 6 months on a scammer who tried the airline ticket scam. I aware of the scam thanks to Elena publishing the ticket scam on-line.
And over the years I would recheck. She was still 55, 16 years after I first saw the profile. I later found a fake email in the sent box to her that I never wrote. The profile would never answer my repeated request that we do video. The fake profile had requested pics of myself and my family but would never respond to my request for a current pic. The person using the profile went of at me for not sending birthday wishes when my first letter was send after the birthday.
I was eventually sent a pic telling me it was from her birthday in December. Today she will be in her 70s. I have put the sick person using the profile on the spot several times demanding we do video. Below is the last response after posting to the scammer the Work Brides description advertised. I have got your letter. It was, let say, strange behaviour of a strange man.
What qualities are important in a Wife for you? Will it be easy? Will it be worth it? No wonder, she sits on her ass gossiping with all of her friends at Starbucks all day. These women all drove Mercedes, Lexus, Range Rover, etc.
None — they wear a gold band. American women are the most spoiled in the world, have the biggest sense of entitlement, have the worst attitudes, are the most lazy of all the women in the world.
It should be obvious to all considering the number of Men who go East looking for Wives. Interestingly, American women who work in Russia have almost no chance to land a Russian husband. Why would any sane Man go from a thin, well mannered, feminine Woman to date an overweight self-entitled monster of an American woman? Copyright Act of , which allows for the sharing of copyrighted materials for the purposes of commentary, criticism and education. All shared material will be attributed to its owner and a link provided when available.
All other stories, posts, reports, photos, videos and content on this site is copyright protected and is the property of the Western Women Suck blogpage, all rights reserved. But whatever makes you happy. Because it is getting worse. And pretty soon the wall silence will be a full affect.
And by the time they will be too late for these western women. Have you married a Russian Woman? Have you been to Russia? I WAS married to the typical American woman for 8 years. I worked between 12 and 13 hours daily to pay for the cars one new for her , house, vacations, college courses for her, not me , clothes, shoes my god, the shoes!
In the end, after being found with her boyfriend, I divorced her cheating ass as quickly as the law permitted it. Ah, the lovely workings of the US legal system; she got half of everything and a generous amount of child support as well for the next 12 years. All of my possessions fit into a single medium sized bag that was no effort to carry as I boarded a plane to go oversea to work and rebuild my finances, recover and heal emotionally, take care of myself in body and spirit.
Shall I fast forward 5 years? I believe I will, thanks. Working as an engineer in EE and Asia, I meet this delightful and petite green-eyed young lady who was just that, a lady. From head to toe, completely feminine and warm; and knew not a single word of English. I wanted to court this beautiful 23 year old lady and communicate well, so I took the time to learn her language; badly at first but it quickly improved with use.
That came in rather handy when I conversed with her father and brothers you WILL inherit a new family when you marry, get used to it and asked Dad for her hand in marriage. Again fast forward in time; I am still happily married to the same green-eyed lady who gave me her heart and youthful years 23 years ago. We are getting older together as companions, lovers and friends; only death will one day part us. Scott, personally I cannot vouch for American women being the worst since I only have one sample to evaluate, my ex, and she indeed was a total dud.
You have given one bit of advice that is a true gem on your blog, to learn at least some of the language of the area you will be traveling to. Leaning a few key words and phrases, in my opinion, shows a degree of respect and interest as soon as you open your mouth to speak. In only a few hours I learned some words in the language of my wife-to-be before we met, to great effect!
I completely agree, Never ever marry or even date an American woman, random sex, sure why not if that is your thing, but never marry or bother to have a long term relationship with one. There are your random women from small towns in the south and midwest that are traditional but they are rare and married up as soon as someone finds them.
I have been engaged 3 times, never once did the relationships follow through for one reason or another, dated many, many women here in the US and looking back on it I wonder why I had ever dated any of them or even want to marry any of the 3 I proposed to, what was I thinking?
I tell you, I had no idea that there was anything different, until Jan. I did about 2 months research on Eastern women, marrying one and reading about the good and bad, this site was great reference by the way.. I did not follow suit with a woman from the former USSR, I found the websites a little complicating and expensive, I did however talk to a few on the site I joined cherryblossems but they where all scams.
I actually prefer Asian women, hence the CB account, but I would never turn down a beautiful woman that had interest in me no matter where they were from. When was the last time an American woman that was not some dirty hippy said anything like that? In fact, to be perfectly honest, I should have never divorced my ex-wife. She was probably the best woman I have ever been with; beautiful, hard-working a very successful lawyer , funny, charming, and very down-to-earth.
She is still that way thirty years later. I was just not a happy person at the time. I struggled with depression while I was in law school, and she never gave up on me. I was the love of her life. That being said, my experience since then has been primarily negative and disheartening. I am 59 years old and tired of the whole game here. If she does, I will pay her a small enough amount of money for her to survive temporarily and be on my way back to the Ukraine. This business of love is a very serious decision.
I take it to heart, but I am not going to wear my heart on my sleeve this time. I will adore her, love her, and be devoted to her. I can do this all day. I have a good friend that lives in Odessa. He was married to a Ukrainian but after 7 years they divorced because she wanted a child and he did not at his age.
A few years ago when I stayed with him, he was living with a young lady about 21 , who could have been a Playboy model.
My eyes popped out when he showed me pictures of her and them in Thailand. He had bought her a car and was just enjoying his life. He is always smiling and never down. About 2 years later, when I was leaving Ukraine to move to Germany and stayed with him again, sure enough, she had left after their 3 year relationship.
She was moving in the following day after I left. From my perspective, I admire this guy. Contrast him to grumpy old men, who fart in public and chase kids off their lawns. Go East guys, if you want to keep your sanity and live your life happily and with an incredible lady. Not sure I would be prepared to move to Odessa. Yet, it is not something I would be opposed to doing down the road once the Russian Midget is put back in his cage.
We live in an era where the institution of marriage is somewhat antiquated. And business is done online. I would think the odds are high that living there will either leave your head spinning with too many choices, or find you with the soul mate you have been looking for.
Searching for a soul mate, and having great relationships with younger women along the path to your final angel. Well maybe Heaven can wait. Adding fuel to the fire on the wretchedness and brain warped Western Women that Suck! Believe me, everyday when I am smothered in kisses, warm meals, smiles, clean and pressed white shirts, and all the loving I can handle from my wife and daughter, this article only makes me hug them ever stronger.
Lil, you are mental. If you put 2 or more links on your other posts, Askimet dumped them as Spam without remorse. For that, I have no control read the rules. This article and most of the comments, are the emotions and thoughts that run through my head. I am celebrating my first today and the day has started out super. My wife brought our baby to our bed in the morning and we got to all lie down together and babble with her. My daughter and I watched music videos.
She likes these more than cartoons, at this point. Its awesome to hold her in my arms while she her attention is captured. Then, my beautiful wife presented me with a plate of hot enchiladas and we watched some of her Ukrainian programs that she records and watches on her computer. Get to practice my putting stroke. So, just sharing a day in the life of a normal American guy, married and living with an extraordinary Ukrainian wife and baby.
Have a good day everyone! I wonder how many American Men had their American wives do the same? I would have some serious doubts. I would wonder what is she going to surprise me with this year. I want to to the E. E really bad but I am still trying to loose more weight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I heard some people were banking in Croatia and Mongolia a few years ago…any opinions?
I talked about , opening a bank account in Ukraine , with my girlfriend. She advised me , not to do it , because the banks were not good. This was before the Russian invasion , in Crimea. Spain is strongly disadvised.
Foreign source incomes are also taxed! The government is very cunning. They make up regulations to rip off foreigners living in Spain. They always try to rip you off, everywhere. They consider themselves entitled to do this because they are poor and foreigners are rich.
You need ten years of actually living there for the Spanish citizenship. Portugal is the best choice hands down 1. People are genuine and more friendly than Spaniards. By far not as touristy as Spain. It really sucks living in a touristy location in the long run.
You get the Portuguese citizenship after six years. Portugal allows dual citizenship! With an EU citizenship, your children can study in UK for roughly half the tuition fee. Most importantly, for ten years, you pay zero tax on your foreign sourced income, including US pension! Just imagine an American living in Western most Europe with his Eastern European wife and tri-cultural children….. You say living in a tourist area like it is a bad thing it is nice to have in influx of foreign people — makes for great coffee band beer time but then also bash the Spanish as unfriendly.
My Wife and I have found the Spanish to be very inviting, very polite and very child friendly. Getting a Spaniard to do anything for pay takes time. Its all about cash, cash, cash. A few years ago, we went to Greece with the expectation that it would have an economy on par with Somalia. But, its all cash. The average coffee shop guy, the taxi driver, the small inn keeper were doing fine.
When it comes to DCC, Spain is in the black list together with some banana republics. I experience this in person in Spain, from five star hotels to some tiny souvenir shops. Your mileage may vary. Being an expat in a foreign country is a very different story than being a tourist.
As someone who used to live in Germany for over a decade, I can tell you that the ranking is very credible. Where is the justice? As for Portugal, the people take pride in treating guests well. Last but not least, I have the feeling that you got the non habitual tax regime wrong: You make it sound as if the Spanish invented the idea of currency commission that is in their benefit when you use a credit card. Yes, I have lived in Spain, and other countries and I can say that living in Spain is a lot better, and easier than at least 15 countries I can think of off the top of my head.
If Portugal treats you better, good for you. The water in Spain is warmer and it treats me better ;-. I honestly do not know much about either. But am interested because I think I will move out of the US when my kids are a bit older and out of the house.
But I have a few years before that time comes so I guess I will watch and see what happens in the world. I did have an Aussie friend several years ago that spent several years in Portugal and loved it. This was shortly after they entered into the EU. He was telling me then about the country pretty much opening its borders to anyone because so many people were leaving to other parts of Europe. But thanks for all the info guys. After traveling the world, dating woman from around the world, different cultures I can say, after 2 failed marriages to American women, that this was a complete waste of my time.
My daughter is a wonderful girl and the love of life and I will do anything for her.. But after 3 years of marriage to her mother, there was no sex, unless I gave her something, she stopped cooking even when I helped, stopped cleaning even when I was doing this alone.
She got lazy, tried to stop me from doing the things I enjoy, just because she did not want me too.. She is shocked, that I cook, clean, do laundry and to be honest she was a little upset at first, but understands now. We do these things together, so we have more time to spend with each other.
I told her I did not need a maid or mother when we met. The attitude of these women is amazing, always positive and looking forward in life as a couple. I know, a novel concept. Being good to an American woman or even a Western woman does nothing for a man here in the US. You are just a money bag them, they give you treats, so you stay in line or she will take half you stuff. Life is far too short to deal with crap, find a good EE woman and be happy.
Western do woman suck… well only for a very short time, if you get my drift. Western women lost something in them a long time ago and today society and TV shows are making it far worse. Unless you have dated one of these amazing EE women, stop being jealous or haters. You have no idea of what is missing in your life. I hope you check back in, and often, and share your experience — we need more EE Married Men around here to set the record straight. I read some western women shaming their men for marrying foreign wives.
Are these western women so ignorant? Many non-western ladies are educated, intelligent and capable. I just hope such an attitude never reaches Asia. Already, with increasing globalisation, meal portions are getting bigger and the number of overweight women is slowly but surely increasing. It takes a lot of discipline to remain thin when people openly show their displeasure when you decline their urging to eat more or try something off their plates.
Thank goodness for that. I guess any woman with a normal BMI will seem like a 12 year old boy compared to the typical obese western woman. Most of the non-western women I have met are pretty sharp…intellectually, culturally, and entrepreneurially. You nailed down the loud and obnoxious part for western women…only Klingons would find them attractive. Yes American women are the queens of western women suck. I title rightfully earned and reinforced with every new generation of strong independent little parasites.
Its actually all anglo saxon women. American, Canadian, Australian and of course New Zealand women. Avoid at all costs. These women only bad mouth foreign women because foreign women are REAL women and far exceed them in intelligence despite the fact of not having everything given to them. American women are the absolute Worst of all since Most of them are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, narcissists, and picky.
Feminist Men will be eaten alive overseas. You need to learn to Man up a bit before you go looking for a traditional Woman. WM need to remember what their roll in life is and who they are. At the first sign of weakness, a WM will be eaten alive by an EW.
I friend was talking to me about problems in his marriage the other day. He was wanting to know how is wife had changed to become so lazy. I asked him this simple question — Did she change or did you just wakeup finally?
The answer is she did not change, his eyes have just opened up to the reality. She wants to sit around, be waited on, do nothing, get fat, complain, then threaten him, if he tries to leave. But I still strongly recommend all normal able bodied western males to try their luck in Eastern Europe! FormerCanadian, I am working on the move. Would love to pick your brain some time. Email me icloud dot com first name dot ohlsson. WM have become just like the women here. The men are so worried about their things, just like the women.
To make this move and start over with a good woman, a true lady, is more than any WM can imagine. Good to know that you are working on the move! I have been following this thread for some time now, and biting my tongue to some degree. But now I must speak up and clarify something for all of your readers. I was raised by a very soft-spoken, gentle, feminine single mother — a Depression-era, high school educated Missouri farm my father was a surgeon and he died when I was 7 years old.
Yet, this woman — by all accounts and the hundreds of people who knew her — was one of the most educated, independent women you would ever meet. Not by her upbringing. She experienced numerous incidents of discrimination and manipulation at the hands of a many men; employers, investment advisors, repairmen, etc.
But she never said a word. She simply went about learning how to navigate the work force, investing in the stock market herself, and fixing things around the house. She was simply one of the most resourceful human beings anyone could ever meet. She also was fascinated with science especially Space exploration , nature, politics, social issues, and so much more. Suffice it to say, she raised four children — two boys and two girls — to be independent, yet respectful of the opposite sex.
My brother and I learned to cook, clean house, and do laundry when we were young. We also learned to respect women.
So you guys who complain about American women being lazy, entitled or fat seem not to have found what several of the guys I grew up with were able to find: My ex-wife whom I divorced was the only decent girl I had in my life.
Hard working, independent, successful lawyer, wonderful human being, funny, intelligent, beautiful, and quite engaging. Frankly, divorcing her twenty five years ago was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. She is still best friends with my other buddies wives; those women I referenced above.
She and they have all heard me say several times that I really screwed up. Even my mother and two sisters were not happy with me.
But I was younger and stupid. I am the one to blame. I do not want some passive little housewife. I want a woman who is educated, hard-working, and interested in an interdependent relationship.
We both share in the household duties, and work to contribute to the household income. One of the things I like about Ukrainian women is that they have been forced by circumstances to be more independent, educated, liberal, hard-working, and think for themselves. I want a women like that. Not one who is just interested in material things and pandering to her man like he is the master of her universe.
I want to share life. I just steer clear of them. Which yes, limits my chooses. Thus, my looking across the pond. But to condemn all American women does a disservice to the many females I have known throughout my life — my mother, my sisters, ex-wife, buddies wives, and many others — that are independent, liberated, hard-working, but very beautiful, funny, feminine and cool.
Just throwing my two-cents worth in. So let the beatings begin. But I warn you. I am VERY masculine. I snow ski down XX-Diamond slopes, played goalie as a soccer player for two decades I played with concussions, a broken foot, blew a knee out, etc , I still play golf, ride 4-wheelers, dirt bikes, motorcycles, and even smoke and drink with the boys once in a while. We try not to be, but being raised in the West, we just are.
Perhaps your post was to convince yourself rather than us? If American women are so great, you should stay in American and only date them. Yes, there are many shining examples of strong and triumphanat American Women. Some are regular readers of this blog. But they are the minority. We were at the park yesterday. She pulled her and back and walked away. My Wife and I laughed. Later we told this story to my family at the New Years Eve party. My Russian Wife saw it as her being feminine and getting her way, the American women saw it as a Man trying to dominate a woman and her seeking her freedom.
Russian and Ukrainian Women are much stronger than the average American woman. The difference is, she will try to compliment your strengths unlike the American who will try to compete with them. But I do understand the main idea of your message! Please, do not consider Ukraine as a magic pill which will instantly cure all your problems. I read your response to Scott before I read this one. Thanks for the sentiments.
I would really like to talk to you more. So how do I give you my private email? Can I give Scott permission to give it to you? Rodney my parachute into my life now and kick my ass. And I am sure he could!!! Let me know Kanuck. I am a very adventurous guy. Not scared of anything. But getting my heart broken scares me to death.
Especially after my last go around that you can read about in my response to Rodney. Thank you for respecting my opinion. And trying to understand. And yes, I am hoping to go to Ukraine in the Fall. But not because of moving on from the past a long time ago. But the more recent past. Read my response to Rodney.
Maybe it will help you understand even more. Happy New Year to all of you guys here on this site. I hope each of you finds what you are looking for over there, if you have not already found her. Mr Lance and FC. If anything, I have more room to speak. My American mom is 85 years old, so if anyone knows anything about our prior generation, it certainly would be me, along with my aunts, uncles and cousins.
So, when I open my mouth and discard WM, there is never in my mind a thought that I am insulting my own American family. My parents are 1st generation immigrants from Mexico.
So, you want to hear about tough times? Try my father shining shoes for 5 cents and then throwing into a jar at home for his contribution. Or going behind the grocery stores and raiding the trash bins. He came from a family of 10 kids, so it was all for one and one for all. It the gigantic leap from that generation to the current generation. But I am not. You and all those who think like you are going to get a double barrel blast for that comment: Where in the hell have you read from any of us married guys, that we have passive, little housewives?
That was a BS comment with nothing to back it up. Every single day, my Ukrainian wife challenges me on nearly every thought, idea or decision that I have. We probably have about one argument per day. However, I make the final decision, and she gives me that respect. This was the number one noticeable difference I noticed vs a WW. Frkg WW hold shit against you for all of your life and remind you about it.
My wife goes on and forgets about it and minutes later, I am smothered in kisses and hugs. A US Army paratrooper and retired with an Officer rank.
Am I a man along with being masculine? In Ukraine buddy, if you are not up with your manners, then you should read up some old school rules. You PAY for everything!! This is where WM get it wrong. In their culture, the man takes care of the business of financial matters bills, rent, mortgage, kids clothes, medical, the whole works.
The wife takes care of her husband, children and their home. WM have it backwards. Sorry, dude, wrong use of the word. WM have been brainwashed by these feminists that they have to fall into line, if they want some poontang that night. So, get this into your brain. I bring home the bacon, she cooks it. I work as many as hours as I need, and she waits at home with no outside help all day with our daughter.
She never complains that I am not home enough, blah, blah, blah. What fkg difference does that make? Its your kids that matter! Mass fkg shootings every Gd damn week. Does that happen in Ukraine, Poland, Belarus, Germany???????? Look at the fkg differences!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My parents are very well retired now, with million dollar homes and stuffed bank accounts. Long ways from raiding the trash bins. Different generation Lance, or rather a lost generation. And that takes time, dude.
Resorting to argument ad hominem is as old as Aristotle. You probably have no clue what I am talking about. Your lawyer wife would likely understand. She understands the rules of engagement when debating. They are not the same rules of engagement that are used on a battlefield. Just trying to edify you a little Rodney.
But I am sure she will agree with you if you tell her you disagree. I guess we will never know. Even if you think you do. Second, I never intended to insult anybody.
I apologize if my perceptions insulted you. I sincerely mean that. I was just trying to inject a little reasonable perspective into the conversation. Third, I expected virulent responses from some people. I can take it. You see, my mother raised me better than that. God rest her soul.
So you flail away on your tirade all you want. I was just trying to make a point about ALL American women. Because they are not ALL the same.
Any more than ALL American men are assholes. I hear that too sometimes. That has nothing to do with Feminism, or whatever ills you think have befallen on this country. The few times my mom was home sick when I was in middle school and even when I was in high school were way more stressful than just coming home by myself.
Not traumatic stuff, just tense, but then that sort of tension over a long stretch of time…crikey. Betty Boop February 15, , 1: Yeah, my mom spent a few years sick and living on the couch instead of doing anything. This led to lots and lots of resentment and my life improved greatly after my parents divorced and I moved in with my dad.
Then staying home alone became a magical time! Betsy February 15, , I think the two different situations have different effects on the children. In your case, you and you siblings looked out for each other because your parents were trying to pay the bills.
I think this distinction has a huge effect on how the children feel about their own situation and the stresses being imposed upon them.
In my own experience, my brother had to care for me and another one of my brothers when I was in elementary school because my mother was undergoing cancer treatment. A few years later after she died, he went to college and my other brother and I were caring for ourselves after school until my dad came home from work. Addie Pray February 15, , If this LW had been a female, you would have really ripped her a new one.
I think some people walk into a marriage with the hope of both parties will be relatively healthy. Or she could fall stricken to a debilitating health issue that requires her to have to quit her job and take on a lot of medical debt. My last on again off again relationship was exhausting for me due to the health problems she had.
Your comment interests me because men are 6 times more likely to leave an ill spouse than women are. However its important to consider that some of these conditions were already known going into the marriage. To me the issues of sex, her unemployment and the issues of chores all seem to be part of a huge breakdown in communication. Maybe expectations were not talked about before the marriage, or somewhere into it but I doubt there has been effective communication in this relationship for a while.
The LW is drained clearly and writes as if he has no more empathy for his wife which can be common for partners of chronic pain or illness-they keep having new pain or illness everyday but to partners, they are not experiencing it, and it feels the same as yesterday. The effort needed to piece this relationship back together is a lot and both parties would have to be invested. Time, money and energy would have to spent. That said with 3 kids, 1 in elementary school it might be work it to give it a shot.
If financially viable, this may be a way to extend your marriage at least until your kids grow up. Part of the way that people learn relationship dynamics is watching the adults closest to them, like their parents, and watching their parents have a seriously dysfunctional relationship is not the way for them to grow to be healthy adults.
The lesson they would be learning is to jump ship when things get tough. Standing by family is a much better life lesson for the kids and will teach them the values of a relationship. ReginaRey February 15, , I have to agree with camille on this. I think children of happily divorced parents are much, much better off than children who have to witness their parents resent each other.
For all we know, the mother is just a pain to the LW and the kids love her. Is she even capable of living on her own? Sure she seems to take his willingness to help her for granted, but maybe she truly needs that help? Where does she go? An assisted living center?
The kids see their mom sent away to a home, they can visit on the weekends? Depending the the kids relationship with her, they could end up resenting their dad pretty bad for all that.
TheRabbit February 15, , And now as an adult, it pains her to see her mother in the situation that she is in. Maybe it would have caused more lasting harm, but maybe it would have been better for them. My BF has said the same thing to me about his parents. I also remember him telling me early on in our relationship that it was hard for him to believe me when I told him I loved him, because no one in his life had ever said that and meant it.
It took him a while to get used to someone i. The absolute best thing my mother ever did for me was divorce my dad when I was Everyone deserves to be happy. If a relationship is making you unhappy, try to fix it. Caris February 15, , 7: As a daughter of divorced parents I have to agree with Camille here. My mom and dad have resented each other pretty much always.
I learnt this part quite recently, and it shocked me quite a bit. Anyways, I would have preferred my parents to get divorced way earlier than they did. She kinda was anyway, but she was able to work more hours and make more money that way.
My mom used to start working like at 5 am and arrived at 11pm at one point, while my dad started working around 9 and would arrive between 8 or 9. At that time my dad would prepare and take us to school. My mom worked at the same school from 1 to 5 so she would take us back home at 5 and then leave to work again, so many time we were alone at home until 8 or 9pm.
At the same time I grew up in a home where screaming between my parents happened every single day, and I hated it. And unfortunately I also learnt to shout when I am angry, so when ever I have a fight with my mom, or my brothers I shout, and then I get shouted at and it sucks cause everyone is just shouting at each other.
I also grew up in a place where my parents where absent most of the time, which sucks too. And while the reasons my mom stated are completely valid and maybe where part of her reasoning, I think she was mostly scared to leave my dad, the same way she is scared to leave the asshole she is dating cause she is afraid no one else will ever love her.
My parents were unhappily married for 23 years and for every single one of those years, I was very aware that they were unhappy. I remember the exact moment — in high school — when I saw two adults express love and affection for each other by holding hands. I was completely taken aback. So, yes, I believe that in some most?
Jess of CGW February 15, , Part of me thinks its a powerful lesson for children to see their father stand by their mother even though she is weak and ill. The alternative he leaves her in that state could fracture their fundamental understanding of love and human empathy. Again, maybe the house is a nightmare. Maybe dad is obviously unhappy and kicked around.
Maybe mom is manipulative and cruel. So maybe the kids are better off but…. This is SUCH a good point. However, it is always possible that the wife only has that vitriol for the LW — she could only take out her intense anger on him, not the kids, which is a common theme among people who despise their spouses.
I am a bad morning person. It takes me about 30 minutes of sitting in bed to actually get out of bed. Do I swear at anyone who comes across my path? This lady just sounds like a jerk. My mom takes all her anger on me and my brother when shes mad for whatever reason that has nothing to do with us….
Budj February 15, , 8: You are definitely not a bad guy. The letter is dripping with it. Do exactly what Wendy said. Renee February 15, , 9: It pains to see that there is no emotional reciprocation on part of your wife.
You ARE the full-time care giver to her. Even adult children who care for the elderly parents get burnt out, and need time for themselves. Rather then divorcing your wife, your situation sounds more like wondering if your mother-in-law should be assisted living. Something has to happen soon at the very least to give your a break, retreat, and reflect. While you seem to have every reason to be frustrated, but just from a different perspective, I find it very easy to get into a routine of laziness and taking advantage, especially when someone is enabling it.
For this reason, I think an ultimatum of sorts is in order. You have shown your wife that this cycle or whatever you want to call it is acceptable to you. We always say on here actions speak louder than words. You tell her the behavior is annoying, but then you continue to enable her and tolerate it. Give her the chance to truly see how fed up you are and that she is risking losing you if it continues.
Her numerous ailments require her to take 26 pills every day. At one point that was the last straw for me and I considered leaving her. I talked with my best guy friend about it on the phone and she overheard the conversation. Of course that pissed her off but it evolved to her being more open to discussing and acting on our finances. Eddie, I always love hearing your perspective so much.
Thanks so much for sharing! Thank you for your compliments dear friends, it really makes me feel good. When I wrote that we were good on the money front for now it just illustrates how wrong I can be.
Round started yesterday. How can she be so intelligent yet do such stupid things? At least this time it was small bills. My sister had a chronic yet-to-be-diagnosied pain condition and I often get frustrated at her constant need for me to do thing for her. I am very short with her even though I only see her maybe for a months time out of the year and I regret it often.
Her fiancee loves her very much and she is willing to put up with a lot more from my sister than I am. So its her fiancee who often is in charge of walking their dog, since my sister cannot get up very early and cannot function at night.
I know the relationship costs my future sister in law a lot but she never complains and will tell my sister when she needs a break. They are both young and are hopeful that the pain will one day go away, that doctors will one day be able to figure it out and for now it seems that the good stuff outweighs the bad.
This letter could have actually been written by my ex about out relationship — minus the kids my health issues made that an impossibility. So from the perspective of a sickly wife — my ex leaving was the best thing that could have happened. It forced me to deal with my health and start making changes to get back on track.
He was my crutch. He never complained about doing things for me so I became almost completely reliant on him. Be honest but clear about what you need out of a marriage. Wendy not Wendy February 15, , 9: I need a story on this one! Things did not go according to plan and he had to actually tell his boss and all his friends he was leaving instead of sneaking out. Then his agent vanished and his tv show fell through and he ended up living with his mother and his chick for months. They are now happily married.
Am I the only one wondering why you had children in the first place. As for you LW, it sounds like you and your wife fight or argue a lot. Then so be it. I love the ideas she brought up. Great advice, as always! EricaSwagger February 15, , He knew her issues, and must have been okay with being in charge of her health and stuff, which is respectable. If he loves the woman and wants to marry her, he should be able to.
However… I totally agree about the kids thing. I agreed with you in my comment, and that it was too late to change now. I put this up there as more of a cautionary tale for those people considering children, which I also stated.
I also wanted to point out at this point, think about the children and their lives. Since they were brought into this world under less than ideal circumstances, IMO, everything should be done to make their lives better. Kerrycontrary February 15, , 7: I wonder why my mom decided to have 3 kids with my dad a lot… so I totally get what you are saying.
It might seem like not being a morning person while you are is not a big deal it definitely can be. And talking about chores and who will do what is also important. I think Wendy has some great advice and I hope you can find a way to deal with this that will do the least harm possible to the kids. Skyblossom February 15, , The one thing I would like to add to this is that with every major life change new job, new home, new child things usually need to be renegotiated and you end up coming to a different division of chores.
When we moved from an apartment to our first house we had four times the space so it required more time to clean and it had over an acre of grass that needed mowing and we had a baby a few months after moving and babies require lots of time and effort.
But even inside the house things took different amounts of time. I definitely agree with you. But, certain things should be talked about before marriage. Skyblossom February 15, , 4: Renee February 15, , Agree that things need to be renegotiated, because the needs of the family change through out the relationship.
Nothing is the same as it was 12 years ago for ourselves. Wait, are we having another DW haunting? SweetPea February 15, , Damn… I wanted to read it too.
Eljay February 15, , Wendy February 15, , Of course it will be hard on everyone; divorce is never easy. The LW will get some relief knowing that he has done the right thing for himself and his family. His children will hopefully be put in his custody, and will no longer have to see their mother treat their father so poorly.
The wife needs this, too. She can take care of herself in general, she just chooses not to since her husband enables her. A divorce will force her to get out of bed and in charge of her life. Honestly, to me the wife just sounds lazy. The LW makes it sound like the latter. There is absolutely no excuse for his wife to not be up by the time their kindergartner gets home from school. This marriage is toxic—health problems or not. That includes some chores, taking care of kids, and yeah, having sex with her husband.
The LW has a 4th kid. It sounds like she is using her illness es as an excuse to be lazy and be waited on hand and foot and sleep all day. Clearly, you have a good deal of self-awareness here and recognize your role in enabling her depression, apathy, and well…. One thing you did not mention, and that I think you should spend serious time on, is what made you fall in love in the first place.
I gather I hope! I assume there was once love, passion, and respect where now there is little. Whereas if the relationship was built out of convenience or ambivalence, there is nothing to get back TO.
But as you and Wendy both mentioned, you CAN modify your own behavior. You can stop the enabling and deal with the consequences. Yes, in the short term, it will be ugly but maybe it needs to get worse for it for her!
People often will not work unless forced to do so. A good behavioral psychologist could help you develop practical concrete ways to change these unhealthy patterns in your marriage. Some of it might be tough love. Some of it might be creating romance. Changing the dynamics of the relationship now would be shutting the barn door after the horse left. The time to put your foot down about the shouting and fetching is when it first starts.
Growing a backbone now will not change years-long patterns of behavior. The very best marriage advice I ever got was from a co-worker, married 30 years. She saw me standing in the parking lot, waiting for my husband to pick me up. He was late for the umpteenth time. She told me to start walking. If I waited around when he was late, I was destined to wait around forever. Well, I was just mad enough to do it. He started driving home, and found me along the way.
It was the absolute last time he was ever late. Moral of the story: FireStar February 15, , I feel for you. You sound emotionally exhausted.
When you married you knew certain things would be part of your reality but clearly your wife has embraced some behaviours that add to your burden and magnify your resentment. Talk to your lawyer, then talk to your wife, and then talk to a counsellor. Understand that you have enabled her — just as she must be responsible for her actions you have to be responsible for yours.
Try and turn your marriage into a healthy and happy one — for both your sakes. And if that turns out to be impossible then console yourself with the fact that you tried your best. That is all anyone can do. SherBear February 15, , They are both extremely optimistic and, most importantly, treat their husbands with respect.
I personally am NOT a morning person — and while I can sometimes be a little grumpy I am not angry at the world for waking me up and I certainly do not curse at people! While I curse like a sailor I do not curse AT people — I find it extremely disprectful and if for some reason I ever do I apologize, no one that I care about should be treated that way.
In short you are NOT the bad guy! You have discussed with her repeatedly what you NEED and you are getting nothing. If anything I applaud you for sticking around for as long as you have. Bossy Italian Wife February 15, , You are not a bad guy, but it does sound like you are engaging in enabling behavior. On the very day President Obama was sworn in as President in on January 20, , Republicans committed Treason against the American people and violated their Oath of Office by agreeing to block and obstruct President Obama on everything.
They also plotted to sabotage and undermine U. Not only has Republicans passed voter suppression laws to prevent Americans from voting, they have also Gerrymandered districts. This makes it almost impossible to remove these radical Tea Party Republicans from office and is destroying democracy.
They refuse to increase taxes on the rich and have no scruples whatsoever about sending an unconditional blank welfare check to Israel and other countries every year. North Carolina Republicans violated the will of the people of North Carolina by passing laws to limit the power of the newly elected Democrat Governor in Republicans has no problem spending trillions of dollars on the military, but they want to cut programs like food stamps, medicare, social security, etc which benefits regular Americans and the poor.
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