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Babylegs Real Housewives of Dallas 0. First off, I want to thank you all for giving me time to finish this recap. Thursdays are when I usually hunker down with a case of wine to write these recaps, but two days ago and yesterday, and today I was too enthralled and and hurt and infuriated watching the Season Finale of Equal Rights in America, doing lame shit like opening old wounds, processing my emotions, and reaching out to other women.
And I feel compelled to say that on a platform where I know my words are being read. But he makes up for his fragile twink-like mediocrity and serious mass shooter vibes with THIS:.
Gimme dat hippity hop in a diaper. Again, for her no-frills, totally chill spa day. LeeAnne is doing a video shoot? It may be because they gave LeeAnne Elvira hair and goth makeup and 8-inch platform heels that the strippers on slutty Halloween costume packages wear, I dunno.
Keep pursuing your dreams. By the way, she picked up this hot tip from This Bitch last year:. And then we get into the actual fights.
This Bitch, who tepidly tries to create an in with Cary by asking about her house renovations and acting all privileged and horrified that the FLOORS finally!
But the next day, Cary told This Bitch that This Bitch a delusional drama queen who loves to hear herself argue. This Bitch is trying to pretend something like this happened:. She immediately gets up to leave and Stephanie laughs about this becoming a pattern: This Bitch seeing her and then leaving. Careful where you point that thing, lady. This Bitch just looks at her patronizingly and nods, feeling big and important and benevolent, and probably so cocky that she spontaneously grew a penis just for the sake of having a boner.
God I hate this woman. This Bitch opens her mouth to explain and glittery moths fly out of it instead of words. Cary cuts in two seconds later to thankfully write a cohesive narrative that us at home can follow. Cary is like, this is a white pile of dog shit and not even worth our time: And even that was a more generous apology than This Bitch deserved, considering it was an apology to begin with.
So This Bitch doubles down and does that thing where you take advantage of an apology, and instead of acknowledging it you lay on more anger. This Bitch was traumatized by an eight-inch cast of rubber. We get some unaired footage of the conversation, since Cary comes with receipts. A few minutes later, though, Cary tells Brandi about the whole Stressticles sabotage and Brandi is super confused and offended….
Before everyone says goodbye, LeeAnne and Stephanie re-cement their friendship, Stephanie sort of throws Brandi under the bus a little, and agrees to a three-way lunch among LeeAnne, herself, and This Bitch:. Which I sort of empathize with! Not the being a terrorist thing — the people using you as a moral scapegoat to look high and mighty thing. And people are judging you constantly as is.
Anyway, Brandi hears all of this and is responsive, admitting that she needs to both lay off herself and get help. Grapes, bed sheet sets for togas, white wine, champagne, and tiaras. Who planned and hosted my bachelorette, baby shower, and every single birthday. After Kangaroo Kreep is out of the picture, letting Callie-Roo shit all over the lounge, the girls go to rest their feet by the Jacuzzi as Stephanie sorority-presidents out commands to the models to get her friends tequila. I want to be day drunk and dare myself to dip my toes into a bath of piss-hot jets as gay men surround me, smiling at me as I challenge myself not to pee my pants at the sensation.
This is heaven, and thank you, Stephanie. Cary and Brandi sit down at the nell tech station and Cary asks Brandi how everything is going. But, good for her: Brandi accepts that, and the two of them marvel at the fact that they both got through a mature conversation, particularly considering that the at the root of it was a set of it was fake testicles. LeeAnne and Stephanie, gettin more massages and more friendship, admit that This Bitch is the source of all the Bad Brandi bullshit, which Brandi and Cary also acknowledge:.
Just when I thought this episode was over This Bitch and her grandma ass Lilly Pulitzer fucking wardrobe and sad husband and Elle Woods planner pop their heads back in to the last three minutes. What a fucking martyr for enterprise. Court asks her if she met her goal, which was to meet a distributor. This is a business, this is millions of dollars, and beyond that, these are human beings, investing their passions, striving to prove themselves, bleeding out into a dream.
Take care of yourselves, Trashies. Remember, you are important, you take up space and command an indelible effect on this world, and you should be shamelessly proud of who you are. Boss up and change your life. You are more than a year-old fossil with an office and a rigid pew and a birthright of undeserved impunity. Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us on Facebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube , or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram , and get the occasional gif on Tumblr!
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If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape, then you're the love that she's looked for; write to her and escape. Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Salmon-Ella Enchanted with Cream Cheese.
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Hey Trashies! First off, I want to thank you all for giving me time to finish this recap. I know this is way too heavy for a site called TRASHTALKTV, but I’ve been having a real tough time this week. We’re gearing up for some serious drama on The Real Housewives of Dallas!! Two episodes into the season, and we’ve already seen two parties, a drunken attempt at riding a stone lion, and the unveiling of a new addition. Moving on, we are halfway through this short little season of Real Housewives of Dallas and I am taking over the recaps so they might be a bit different from the ones you are used to. Let’s see what these gals are up to.