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Little Ceasers Pizza Arleta I go often probably like 1 a week to the little Ceasers to arleta I usally go in Friday night or Saturday night You work the night shiftand I always see youyou used to work cash register but now you work in the back I belive You always would smile with your beautiful braces, you have the most beautiful smile You are most gorgious Girl I have ever seen Don't know how old you are or if your married or have a boyfriend I think I heard your employer you or lizeeth but I'm not possitive If this is youI hope to here from youI, really not trying to hook up but just to be friends since you look like a sweet person to me I am not waiting to get played or play. I am a 38 year old single white woman.
We texted constantly for about five days but then he suddenly stopped. After that it seemed like I always had to initiate the conversations to get a response.
It really seemed like he cared so why would he go from talking to be all the time to not talking at all? This type of question has been sent to me hundreds of times and I want to write about this to help you and everyone with this type of situation. And believe it or not, I had a guy send me virtually this same question in hopes that I would discuss it at a speaking engagement.
Over the course of the last decade and a half, texting has increasingly become a constant part of waking life. He might be focused on something and have his phone off. Or, yes of course, he might not be all that into you in the first place and be fading away. Currently, the western world views dating as a process of impressing the other person.
Which is foolish on two fronts: The problem with this is that it fixates on you and the guy putting on a sort of performance for each other… and an unsustainable one at that, in most case. Is he losing interest in me? The best way to think of text messages is this: After all, he explicitly said he would! When it comes to relationships, treat your actual physical time together as your quality time.
So as a general rule in relationships, try to keep texting to a minimum and, when you do need to text, your texts will have much more impact. In this day and age, what we really would do well to embrace in our lives is more space …. There used to be moments of space mixed into our days, where we would just have to wait for things. The most sane thing you can do for yourself is to start bringing space into your life as much as possible. It is within moments of space where we are most able to connect with ourselves and the life within us.
Without space, it almost feels as though this constant activity is like a vortex that pulls us into it. We can get caught up in it, thinking about and reacting to the happenings streaming through our smartphone into our head. With the social aspect of social media, we might even find it very heard not to feed into the constant drama of it. Contrasted against that, we have a whole inner world that, for most people, remains largely unexplored.
When people talk about having a relationship with yourself, what does that really mean in the deepest sense? This is where you recharge your metaphorical batteries… and this is where your partner does as well.
Make space a priority. Make your mood a priority. We all need space, although men relate to space and silence in a way that is different in character to the way women seem to relate to having space…. Whether or not the guys you know have men in their lives they can hang out with without being unnecessarily chatty, the vast majority of men could relate to how this is possible. Most women I know would find the thought of sitting in silence with another woman for hours to be incomprehensible and… not much fun.
I would say the same thing for women spending time with other women. There is something to be said for enjoying and accentuating the polarities of your gender in who you spend time with. I say all this because I want to drive home the point that there is much more to having a healthy relationship than being in constant contact with your partner.
Do these thoughts every lead to any positive outcome? Living this way comes with a horrible price… the drain increases and becomes more pronounced over time… it affects our mood… and our negative mood radiates outward and affects our relationship negatively.
The punchline here is this: In that space, it will be very easy to see what is needed for the situation. Texting constantly is a pain in the ass.
So I try to keep things short but polite. Truth is, this guy probably was really into you when he was texting constantly and probably still is. Sometimes we can get caught up into thinking that the other person is being rude when our text message goes unanswered. We are interrupting them and expecting that they should answer a text message just because we sent them something is selfish. But if the other person might feel that they are being barraged with messages and it could be overwhelming or even annoying sometimes.
And I probably more than any other guy on the planet know how much that can drive a woman crazy. Be un-reactive to it and assume they really, really like you. This advice is for you.
When you stop reacting to things automatically, you gain awareness of the situation. When you are un-reactive, you get to choose the best move. So be un-reactive to this so that you have clarity of the whole situation. The other side of how to handle this in a useful way is to assume that the other person really, really likes you. The fact is none of us are mind readers… we will never know exactly what the other person is thinking.
I can also tell you that people who assume that other people love them usually end up surrounded by people who love them. Same goes for relationships and attraction. Sure, it may seem a little delusional to just choose an assumption to make about how the other person feels about you, but the truth is that we do it all the time anyway!
You might as well choose an assumption that serves you instead of one that guarantees failure. And finally, one of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full, enjoyable, fun life. Make your life your focus and it will make his erratic texting behaviors much more tolerable.
That is a recipe for disaster if you do…. But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…. At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends. Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material?
Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The 1 Things Men Desire in a Woman. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes.
Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: Hey so ive been talking to this guy for 2months or so all the sudden he met someone else but i cant get over him do to how he was with me different than the rest. We recently got in a fight and stopped talking I want to txt him but his still mad should i hold off and give him space and time to cool off? Hi, I just met a guy and I heard from my colleague saying that he thinks im beautiful. I texted him after a few days from the gathering, he even asked if I would go to watch his competition.
I asked him If everithink is ok and told him he is everything I ever needed I love him a lot and I want to make him happy. Thank you very much! It was greatly appreciated. Reading this cleared my head, and I will definitely be keeping this article handy to go back to anytime I need it.
I used to be friends with this boy when I was younger and more recently we have started talking daily on text for about a month now and we have met up 4times. The last time we met up went really well and that evening we talked and said goodnight as usual. So then I get a response from his dad saying he got grounded, so he is not ignoring me?! I got told his phone got taken away, but later on I see him commenting on a post!
Is he actually making dumb excuses to not talk to me? Thanks for all your content, Eric. As cliche as it is for me to get worried every now and then and overanalyze things and therefore look for articles online to help calm my nerves, it really does help. Rationally I know that nothing is wrong, but I suppose we all have our inner demons that make us believe differently. Good news, though, is that this has been gradually happening less and less often.
Self-esteem is just something you have to gradually work on. That being put aside! Hi, I met this really hot, nice guy 3 days ago at a kids play land. His son and mine were playing together. I saw him checking me out and we were clearly attracted to each other. He asked for my number and texted me 10min later with a pic of our kids. We ended up texting all night then.
I ended he conversation that night as it got so late and he then texted me again, initiating the next day around noon. We sent a few texts back and forth and I sent him the last one yesterday around 4pm, not really asking anything but agreeing to a situation that is similar to his childcare. He was very consistent in his texting and it flowed well, no playing games. What should I do?
I hope you are not that empty-headed now. Sorry to say this, but what you wrote sounds completely unintelligent. So are we supposed to overlook the way their actions hurt us, by hitting on other girls , for the sake of understanding them? While I agree that men are trying to fill a void and there actions are a result of underlying feelings, needs, etc. It sounds like ignoring how you feel is the equivalent of releasing your partner of any and all responsibility for their actions.
They should be held accountable considering we are our choices. I think it should be a combination of both. Our partners should be held accountable for their actions and if they messed up, they should make it right. But I also agree that the reason behind why our partner acted in that way should be addressed as well. Hi I need some advice about my relationship with my boyfriend , we have been dating for over 18 months and are both divorced with children from previous marriages.
I know that he is into porn as am I and I have no issues with this. Been dating the same guy going into 3 yrs. In doing so I noticed some social media and dating site conversations with other women. So me being probing I continued to look into the emails weekly. I finally confronted him about, expressing how disrespectful I felt he was being. His argument was I invaded his privacy. I owned up to it and apologize.
He stated it meant nothing and it was just conversation. As time has moved on his habits of cell phone calls, text and social media etc increased. So I started going back looking into what he was doing.
I have found several occasions where there is much inappropriate conversation as well as a date and propersistions for meeting. Have confronted again, still NO change or stopping! Just a heated argument.
Well this sent me over the edge and I shut down, stopped communicating with him, and told him we needed a break! And why does he feel like he is doing nothing wrong. For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light. I been with my boyfriend for two years.. I am 21 yrs old and he is The main thing I hate when he flirts with other females is that he tells them that he still has feelings for them but he is telling this to his supposedly friends..
I know that he was never with these girls.. Why would he tell them that,if never been with them? I did talked to him about it why the heck are you flirting with these girls and he said to let stress out.. I told him to respect me and to stop flirting but of course he has not stopped.. The other day I found a piece of paper in his pants with a girls phone number and asked him calmly what is this and he said that she is just a friend and that the reason why he got her phone number was because she was a cool person and has cool curly hair..
I think that was bullshit why? Another thing to is that when we go out to eat or go to the store he checks out girls and later on I find out he adds those exact girls on Facebook and Instagram.. I told him that to stop checking out girls because that is being disrespectful to me and few weeks ago he added a girl on Instagram; the girl he added was a girl he kept staring when we went to go out to eat at a restaurant and I of course I got upset and told him to unfollow her and he did unfollow her..
Why was he out so late if he had to go to work the next day? Another thing to is that one day he told me he was going out with his family to go eat and I asked his mom and she said that was not true then another day he told me he had to go to his grandpas house because his grandpa was not feeling good and ask my boyfriends mom if her dad was okay and she yes and I also asked her if my boyfriend went with them to her dads house and she said no that he went out that night..
I think he was going out to hang out with other girls.. He denied being on Facebook but I am not stupid I know why he was awake being on Facebook so late and lying to me that he was going to sleep.. I been living with him for six months.. When he still does.. Help me, I need an advice!!! I hope that this is behind yu now and that you are either single or with someone else.
But what I am going to say refers not only to you but to me in your age and to many women of all ages: The part that stuck out to me was the part where you said you knew what kind of guy he was from the get go. My boyfriend and I dated long distance for two years. I ended up moving to his state to further our relationship. Two days after I got here I went to get on the computer and his twitter page was pulled up. I found a particularly interesting conversation of him with a girl where he claimed we fought all the time, had nothing in common, and that he was stuck with me because I was pregnant 5 months at this time I was devestated to say the least!
I tried for a day to figure out how to bring it up because to confront him would mean to admit I had indulged my childish side.
But he could tell something was wrong and when he asked I told him. I was going to move back home. I do not tolerate lies above all! But now even as our daughter is 3 months old I cant help but not trust him, and Im not as attracted to him as I use to be.
No matter what he says. So basically you dont always know what kind of guy your dealing with, some put up fronts and walls. So me and my boyfriend of three years broke up. I couldnt deal with his lying anymore. He tried to cbver up his lies with more lies. This hurt me deeply.
I asked him why he lies so much nd why he doesnt take me seriously. He said he does, but then he would go right back to kying to ne again. Hed lie about who he was with, where he was, wat he was doing. I realized he didnt have interest in me anymore wen he started to add naked girls on his IG and random chicks on his FB.
I cried , screamed, sat him down and talked to him… basically anything i coyld possibly do to make him see how much it hurt me to see that stuff. Then one day i find out hes talking to one of his sisters friends behind my back and he was going on escorts site. That hurt me more… i asked why doesnt he love me, why myst he do that and all i gotten was a laugh in the face. I guess i wasnt the one for him. Therefre hes not the one for me. It hurts bc i spent three years with someone who can just throw me away and blame me for everything.
What do i do? This is why, it must be over: You would not give a misbehaving 5 year old an ice cream cone every time the child acts poorly would you? This guy straight up acts like a 5 year old and you should not reward him any longer. My best advice for you: Perhaps, if it helps you can decide to nickname this person that used to mean something and no longer means anything.
Whatever it takes to want to puke when you think of this person and wish you could have someone burn the memories out of your soul into oblivion. Until this person is nothing inside you any more. Why do you still have feelings for this person? Because you are highly invested, emotionally especially. Your feelings are what they are. They are not likely to change. The important thing is, recognize, you can feel that way about others. So many before you, and so many after you have and will be where you stand now.
Also, I recommend a period of up to 3 months per year you dated of possibly staying single. Discover or rediscover your independence. This statement is VERY important. It is not saying that. What it IS saying is, there is something you can choose to do moving forward to prevent similar scenarios: This may feel impossible, but it is NOT. It takes a few things: Knowing what you want being one of them and then accepting nothing less. I hope this helps and even if not I hope it gives you some perspective to work with.
You can do it. Become a strong independent woman that other women look up to and men drool lining up to be with you and you will have a world of suitors to replace this chump-change with.
I have to hurry to meet people and no time to proofread this, so I ask you: I read your reply every time i start to pity myself. Then after i read it i realize it not my fault but his own. Hes mentaly still a child and his choices are his choices alone. I really appreciate the support. I thought my world was caving until I gave into desperate measures to find out how to deal with this because I do love this boy too much to flush everything down the drain.
Thank you for a raw, unromantic, non sugar coated answer. I understand now not to blame myself or blow up something that was most likely nothing compared to what we have. You saved an awesome relationship for real. Hi Eric, I see my relation in this topic. I know he has an obsession with huge breasts, blondes, blue eyes, pale skin. In his teens he had a very made case of acne and shut himself out from the world in shame of his skin.
I know that has affected him as a person. Conversations with women he long time ago met on Badoo and started talking too now. I love him and after my pain I saw this from the perspective that he needs help.
I tell him how attractive he is, beautiful, hard working and sexually desire him. All this because I think so, but I also do it extra for him to feel a little better. If we move to a town he has contact with someone, what a shame. I have him time to see what this is doing to our relation and he told me he blocked everyone he was talking to.
Yet ofcooooourse this is a bit silly I see him commenting girls pictures with hearts and telling them how beautiful they are and asking for their numbers, kiks.
And I asked why he would do that after our fight. And we would be back in the same old and I would honestly change my ticket and fly back home over the Atlantic and feel so frustrated and sad. Hi im dating a guy who is much younger than me woman keeps posting pictures of him on social media saying that they are with him so i confront him about it cause i was really upset so he said hes not with them they jus like posting pics of him so i then said well you need to control what people post cause its affecting me he then said he cant control what these girls post on there profile.
My question is what should i do about this? Never allow someone to treat you like a backburner fallback. Hello, I am a 22 year old women dating a 27 year old man.
I truthfully dont like this article one bit. Its just not fair for us women to have to deal with a person who has a void they cant seem to fill. My boyfriend just last night told me he misses being promiscuous.
I juat dnt kno what to do.. I feel like a fool, i also feel like i wasted three years of my lie with someone whos not taking me seriously. What should i do? He sounds bored based on what you said. Not your fault nor his. People get bored sometimes. The only way it will work out is if you both want it to. Usually, a man should say directly what he wants and if he tells you that then he means it.
Most of the elements, to me, are irrelevant.. It sounds like you care about him.. I could tell you what to do.. I could tell you what I would do..
But, what I feel would be best is for you to also work to be decisive, make a decision about this for yourself and then go with that decision. This is just my opinion, I hope it helps or if not offers you perspective before making your own decision. I could recall him saying that he wants nothing to do with her because she is stupid etc..
I know that I am part to be blame because I accepted that from the first place because I am always forgiving him because he always says that he will stop doing what he does to hurt me but in actually waiting for him to change is like waiting for rain when it comes to drought hopeless and disappointing.
Do you think me a woman who is always around and always ready to work on my weakness in the relationship should keep believing him or keeping hurting? But why does this make me feel this bad to have to seek this blog and ask for advice? Should I stop taking this personal? Is this something every guy is going to do? Yea…well im a hot girl devoted and loyal, and i cant drink for health reasons. I treat my longtime boyfriend of 7 years awesome, in all areas.
He loves to drink alot, and he makes moves on ugly, fat, alcoholic bitches, all the time. He tries to bed them. Ive contacted them and they told me he tried to get with them. One even told me he wanted to be with her LTR. I talked to him many times about this problem but he gives me straight lies every time. Conclusion is that he wants me to drink and i cant.
So i guess we BOTH will be cheating on each other, and still stay together until one of us finds a better mate. And like my mother always told me, All men are cut with the same scissors.. After a year or 2 in a relation, they start their shit…. The main reason I do, is because I believed men spend so much time trying to supers their emotions for the one they with, by asking for space that they already have. You tlel them how you feel as nice as u can and they ate stone cold or try to find an exit.
Because these are all methods to stay detached from you emotionally so they can easily lead you and avoid being hurt themselves, if u decide to treat them the same. This is so they can depart the relationships with no problem after they are done having all the sex they want from you.
Never agree to have sex with just him, never make him a priority during that time. Here is my new experience. I dated a guy who claimed he was looking for the one, not trying to sleep around and done chase women. He knew right away I would not date a guy like that. So for the first 2 months we dated and he never once flirted with other women, always gave me a lot of attention, was a total prince charming. I thought this was wonderful, but I would find out the catch.
Eventually I discovered he had two women stashed away. And the space he claimed he needed for business was actually to spend a week with each one. Also he used me to attract new womem. After the second month he started going to the spots alone, and taking me there only after he was there alone. Now twice I broke it off for him over this disrespect. Each time he came back claiming he loved me. And every time after asked for sex. I once tested if he was shopping for women while out with him. I purpose spoke to a woman who I knew was his over all type, I then walked away from her.
And left him there to see if he would break his neck to look at her or talk to her like he would normally do. And he didnt, he actually acted aggregated and called my named loudly. Cause I called him out and he knew to talk to her would make it obviouse. I once tracked the time to show him how much he flirts with other women and disses me now. But yet once outside asked me to sleep with him who I declined.
Suddenly we are not exclusive, in love and a couple. What I have leaned ladies, is once man flirts with other women, he is already cheating in his mind, and eventually he will cheat. He will do it either by pushes you away for a while so he can sample some women or out right cheat and tell u they are friends. And they would say other wise cause their sluts. Ladies men flirt cause they know it easier for them.
A slutty woman will willing except a flirt from a man, while his woman stand by. A man will usually not flirt with a woman whIle she is with her a man, and men know this and take advantage of having the power in the flirting game.
This means, no sleeping in same bed and sex. By that time he is showing his true colors. Because 5 men have used me and lied to me and got me in drama with women from flirting and cheating. Just the other day he pretended to not know me well on a date or walk out with me but tried to get me to hold him in bed.
I saw him looking at a woman alot. I believe he was trying to get rid of me, so he hook up with her.
It was mother day and he was shopping for a woman on our date. I hope you all find strength to leave the jerks, like me. I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. It is long distance and we see each other every three months for about two weeks at a time. Recently I had caught him multiple times flirting and texting a girl he met on Tinder.
Each time he said he would stop and that he loved me and wanted our relationship to work. It has been four times now and he is still texting her. Eventually I got to the point where I told him that I can deal with the problems in our relationship, just not the lies. If he is open and honest with me about what he is struggling with or not getting from this relationship I will work to try and understand. On the third time I caught him texting her I was caught between whether to stay and work it out or to respect myself enough to leave.
He said he broke my heart and wants to rebuild our trust. But I caught him texting her after that. Last night I did something bad and I looked through his phone. He was getting texts and I wanted to see who it was. Turns out he is still texting her and not only that but chatting up other girls on Tinder as well.
His conversations date as far back as four months. Everything is normal and our relationship is great, apart from this issue.
I believes that he still wants to be with me and still loves me. I think he is going to do what he wants regardless. Not only does that feel immasculating as a man, but many women agree that men who defer to women are not attractive to women.
Many men have complied with demands like this over the years only to have their women lose respect and leave them [actual respect: Plain and simple, women too often feel complain of being bored with compliant men. But more constructively, you have basically 2 hard choices: If you choose option 2, however, you must not allow any 2nd chances. You should move forward.
Additionally, any future relationships, you should not allow to get to this point and skip the ultimatums. I only know some of his homeboys and like 1 female friend he knows other than his cuz girlfriend. I have a slight trust issue though. Like I trust him but I gotta keep my eye open type of ish. I just feel that if a man has female friends then it should be boundaries. Line should never be cross. What is the best advice to handle this situation. But he wants to be together. I also recently check his phone and I found out her name cause she invite him to Google hangout and that she works in the same business as me but in another location.
He also save her under his phone as a dude name. How should I go about to handle this situation? This one for me is complicated alot , i have been with my partner for 5yrs now. I am 23 he is 43 , we get along great as friends and lovers , however , he has always been unable to keep away from other women online , i used to find nudes sent to him all the time in his email. So naturally i went with my threat and i did leave him , however , now this is where it gets bad.
Everyone thinks i am a bitch because i am cold to him in his condition , but should i have to be nice and defeated just because he got sick? As for the online stuff.. I think that is like a playground for adults and it doesnt bother me as much. I love this article, because just now, I found my 3 yr boy friend was chatting and flirting with other girls on his phone and one of then sent him pictures of her private parts. I am not like model type of girl but I keep working out and maintain a good shape.
I dare say my figure is much better than the girls who sent him all the pictures. I am also flirty and oftentimes slutty with him in bedroom. Out of a mistake that I already forgive him, I was pregnant wth him once and he insisted me to have a termination. I love him too much to say no and he has been caring and sweet to me as always. The puzzle is that, I sent him all types of porn style pictures all the time, never said no, and was creative every time.
Whenever he needs me I was there to talk and make him laugh. He has had ups and downs in his life and I wonder where these girls were. The puzzle is, as I beg your advice on this point, what more could I do to fill on that void? I know guys like nude pictures, fine, I give him. Yet he is not satisfied. Of course, since the pictures and chats are ongoing, he even took nude picture on my bed and sent it to other girl , my worry is that he will meet those girls one day he used to tell me he is not interested in meeting any girls he met online, and those girls he met online and really cheat on me.
Should I tolerate his little habit because I still love him and because maybe all guys r pretty much no better, or should I let him go. BTW does this girl knows he has a gf?
Anyway talk to him about it.. Let him know exactly how you feel. So before he mention about space everything was fine until he got a phone call to pick up some stuff so I asked him if I can go along for the ride he said no. Before we used to go out often, He took me along with him sometimes when he meets his peoples. He rarely takes me anywhere. I let him go out with his homeboys I have no problem with that all I ask from him is to let me know who he is going out with and where he is going.
I do question him though so maybe he is tired of me from asking him alot of questions because he says that I want to always be in his business. He tells me that I need to find some friends and go out. I also found some condoms in the back of his car from moving it before I head out.
So I ask is it a man or a female he said female. I questioned him about his space cause I wanted to know what his intentions are. I ask him is he want space to go out and have sex with females because I just found some condoms in your car so whats up with that.
I asked if I can throw away the condoms and he said yea. I just ask because I care and I do love him. I just need some advice on this so I can have a clear head about everything.
And also he went out last night yesterday to pick up stuff weed which he told me that he would be back. You tell me you want space you go out and you aint home yet no uh! I think the dude is lucky to have a woman like you.. Some dudes do things to frustrate their woman intentionally to show her his dominance.. I have learned a bit about how my words can sometimes be misconstrued as blameful, I am not saying shit is your fault.. If you start a new one, look to keep a balance of investment Look to screen new partners up front, before you commit more and more..
Realistically, you should probably just drop this dude.. You are not wrong though, you are just too far invested versus him… I have to go but I hope my words or someone elses here are helpful in some way. He tried to talk to me saying Babes! Cause your right even though he is 29 I would expect to get his shit together because he turning 30 next year. He comes home every night no numbers in his phone.. I just feel like he think he can do better.
Dilemma…my boyfriend of six years started working at my job and I specifically asked him to steer clear of chicks there so there would be drama. So I deal with it because I love him.. Hi, basically it would be really great to get a mans opinion on my relationship please. I have been on and off in a relationship for over a year.
At first things were great and I was happy, he is a very dominate man. Anyway after a month of first being in a relationship he freely gave me his FB password, I was a little surprised and I never asked for it.
After a week I talked to the people around me and they said he obviously wanted to show me for a reason and I agreed and got back with him. He said he stopped and I believed him and began to trust him again, unfortunately I discovered he had not stopped at all and had been lying to me but I was prepared to just accept it as him being him. Then he got very close with a girl who lived in the same town as him and was Skyping her on cam and phoning her etc.
I made the mistake of spying on his facebook so I was reading everything as he was writing it all. It all got too much for me and I broke up with him, however he would not stop bombarding my phone with calls and texts saying he loves me.
I did get back with him and he stopped talking to her. I realise this may seem petty right now. Any who he continued with other women online regularly and it did eat at my insecurities but I was doing my best to strengthen myself to not let it bother me. As time went on the arguments increased, one time he insisted I message my old best friend a girl if she fancied him and I got really cross and said no.
He asked me several times to message her asking if she liked him and it made me feel low, I got very angry and hung the phone up on him in the end. Anyway he said he was asking me to ask her, so that if she did he could show me he only wanted me not anyone else.
Later on he admitted to saying things like that to get me out of my mood swing. I have a son, who is very young but not a baby and he has been a great guy around him and taught him well. Anyway we broke up and everyday day he would ring my phone at least twice a day, sometimes roughly 40 times a day and after 2 months he continued and never answered until he started sending me emails, I did reply, probably very silly of me I know.
But he wants to change and make things better, he has just begun counselling and is going to go on anger management courses and depression courses. I have seen him a few times since and it has been pretty good minus a few minor blips. He is very caring, kind, helpful, makes me laugh and he is very generous most of the time, we seem to fit really well together and have so much in common.
Makes me feel very happy when things are going rather well. Sometimes I feel lucky to have him in lots of ways. He pushes me to do well, pushes me to study my theory for driving and encourages me to do well.
He has suggested couples therapy to help deal with our issues. He is also an alcoholic but has quit alcohol for nearly 3 weeks now and he also has a gambling addiction.
So my main question, do you think he can really change the abusive behaviour or is it all for show? He obviously needs help, but so do you. Get away from this man before he kills you in a crimeof passion. This sounds very serious. There is no real shame in asking for help.
I think he can, but he has to choose to. Based on what I read, past history does not sound like he has been ready to do so. I respect that he drives you to achieve and that is great however, ultimately you will need to do that yourself as will he need to make those changes in his life, for himself.
Sometimes when past events outweigh everything, going separate ways is an opportunity for a new beginning for both parties, a clean slate with a new partner that does not have a troubled past..
If you go to new relationships, this is not a constructive question. Knowing that only clouds the scenario further. I just wish more people who feel the need to explore the dating world would remain single while they shop around because it is more honest with less consequences. Easier said than done. Know what you want and accept nothing less. Most people know how it feels to want a relationship to work and care about someone and not wanting to lose that but you should trust your gut, your heart and your mind all three and a new start may be in order.
I also highly recommend to people getting out of relationships to spend up to 6 months single when possible to develop or redevelop a sense of independence before dating again. Ultimately you should attempt to train yourself to know what you want and then it becomes easier to ignore and reject those things that are counterproductive to your goals.
This is my personal perspective and I hope even if there are people who disagree that it is either helpful in some way or you find your path in this great world we have. I understand you are upset about this situation. I try to offer advice. Attempt to take most of what I say literally here and not to read into it too much. I try to steer women to look at actions over words because many women get jealous over us men communicating with other women but I personally feel as long as we CHOOSE not to act upon it, it is ok.
More often I see the complaints about the communication but I feel this one hits close to home from a relationship I had many years ago and partners ago. The best I can tell you is, to decide what you want and what is most important. It is not uncommon for attraction to fade amongst partners.
My parents always did though, so that varies. It is a major challenge, no doubt. Essentially, I would advise you to consider what is the best for your children. Does he provide for them an opportunity for a better future? If so, consider some options. First, you need confidence. Obviously, something like this is a total confidence blow. I met a woman with 3 kids last night who is getting a divorce from a 13 year marriage she said was with the only man shed ever been with and he was cheating with 4 women.
What I would recommend is to find 2 or 3, strong confident women friends. Just attempt to emotionally detach a bit and find any way possible to get some space. Going to the gym is huge if possible or some sort of regulat exercise. Time apart to reflect helps. Focusing on yourself helps. Building your confidence and your body helps. If you must, use some jealousy to wake his arse up.
Find a few solid strong personality women friends. Look to separate emotionally. Also, as a man, and also as an experienced dater as well as a casual observer, one of the things we do to show our dominance is to not allow women to boss us around.
How do you not be those? My goal is to debunk the negative side that it is to blame a woman but to instead attempt to empower women that they should not reward this behavior. Also us men, our friends roast us for listening to women. Decide what you want? However, the best policy is to reward positive behavior and NOT crack down, but ignore the crappy behavior. Give him the steering wheel to your relationships future.. LET him steer the fate. Only cook him food if he sits down with you and your children for dinner.
Otherwise, just cook for them and eat on your own. However, this thing is one sided and you need to tip the scales a bit in your favor. Also, you will need to consider and prepare yourself mentally, for your children, if the final result will be that you will leave him. Learn to walk away and get space to yourself. My boyfriend is one year younger than me, we have been datin for 3 months buts it feels longer.
Thanks for this post! The comments here also provide valuable, inspiring advice. Some men cheat because they need self-validation or an ego-boost from women, do you want his pride to take him THAT far? You better leave him ALONE for a week or two and see if he comes back if he disagrees to respect you. It should be about respect. I discovered few days ago that my boyfriend has been flirting with a woman online.
He was so quick to hand out his mobile numbers and they had a major flirting session. I confronted him and he basically told me im a drama queen and he cant have such drama in his life. He really made me out to be this paranoid insecure woman.
So now ive told him since he has set the standard for our relationship, i will also be calling men by pet names and handing out my numbers. But honestly, who wants that kind of relationship? Ive never been the kind of girlfriend to just flirt around and hand out my number. But I just feel he needs to see what kind of impact such behavior has on a partner.
When a man sits there and ask a barmaid about her sex life and what she does in th e bedroom is that flirting? I ask this because after 20 years of marriage to a man who was verbally and mentally abusive I am new to the dating scene. Even though I had dated this man 32 years ago I feel a little uneasy.
Wasnt sure what he was doing or trying to prove or if he just wanted my reaction. Depending on the dude it may also be beating around the bush unless he is screening for your tastes in the bedroom.
Easier said than done, I know, but try to recognize your new partners as a fresh start and a chance to have fun. I especially recommend trying someone very different from yourself and your ex. People often look for commonalities, but dating yourself would possibly be boring, but someone very different can be very interesting and fun… exciting even.
When Ive been single, I am single. Therefore, I will be dating and meeting many women and I expect nothing less of women.
Talk a little smack, look for chemistry with a guy that you feel meets your wants and respects your boundaries. Wow…having read these comments. Typing this on my phone and its going crazy. Sinosed its become a crutch at times. He…has lied about things in his past. Everyone has a past and they are entitled to it. However, when you lie about it and it comes to haunt youm.. He slept with his friends wife when he lived with them.
Lied to me about it…. Had told me that she would get jealous of he dated someone or brought someone home…a friend would not get jealous over that. Red flag there, right? So one day…he stupidly leaves pics open on his computer…I walk into the room…and see them. But…learning he lied about the married friend…well that got me thinking what else has he lied about….
We had a huge fight about that. He has few friends…joins facebook, adds a lot of old high friends…lots of girls…. He starts school and makes a new friend. He starts lying about her…giving her rides to and from school. And I flat out asked him, do you like her, want to be with her? Tell me, ill leave , no hard feelings. My main questions would be: Are you IN love with him and if so, enough to move past the lying. Based on what you wrote, I dont feel so. Also, most importantly, are you getting what you want?
Then just ask yourself if you feel, overall, this is what you want? If no, rip the bandage off and get single long enough to reflect and heal and find yourself. Then, decide what you want and dont and screen, up front, dudes for what you feel you want. Take your time and do not rush into something just because you feel lonely. You may just find that you are stronger than you may or may not feel you are already.
It might also be better for other parties too. Ive been angry before at women who rejected me but in many cases Im better off and stronger because of it. Confronting him about it and asking, how come such a great girlfriend as i am is not enough for him, is useless. I know, what a scared and insecure boy is behind all this womanizer mask. I could never talk to him about it, because it would scare him even more and make things worse. So how can i benefit from these insights?
Well men are all cheaters by nature, nature designed them to want to stick their manhood in anything that walks including fat, skinny, other men and yes animals. The The truth is men are whore by nature. They were genetically designed this way so that they could procreate and make babies. Animals are this way to, so in a sense men are more like animals than women. To men sex is simply a physical act. A man could sleep with a countless number of women and care about none of them, he just uses their bodies.
All they care about is getting laid, and busting a nut. Why because men enjoy sleeping around it makes them feel like men. There is nothing wrong with men being this way because it is their nature.
What upsets me is when men make false promises and pretend like they really care about you, love and act like they are committed to you. This is quite annoying because women get disappointed when they find out the men were lying and were just using those lies to get laid.
Women often have trouble with men because they are designed to be nurturing and caring which is the opposite traits of the common man. Most women porn stars excluded lol view sex as a beautiful act, as a bonding of two people, as a way to show their love for a man. So, they are really disappointed when they find out that the man they choose to be with only used them to bust a nut.
It is really sad. Just use men as toys, or let men buy you things, thats all they are good for. How come the recurring theme in your posts is YOU the woman is doing something wrong.. You must better understand and accept that he flirts with everyone.
What kind of BS advice is that? How come you never sham the guy for his wrong behavior and just blame the woman? No guy or girl likes their partner flirting with others. How come you never advise the girl to stand up for herself or to take control of the situation?
Some of the advice given on the site is spot on that being said, thanks.. I saw your post before but I just returned from two awesome weeks in Italy with my amazing girlfriend now fiancee! It is that life is about choices. They are looking for answers. They are looking to decide what to do next in their lives moving forward, etc.
Many do not recognize it yet. Where the line is crossed for ME is when it moves from talk to actions. However, not everyone agrees with me on that one. In many cases, their choice should be to get space and in some of the cases to move on and look for men that fit better. Men face similar challenges, because we have women that we find attractive but do not share our core values and goals and we have to also learn unfortunately often through trial and error of poor and failed relationships that not every person we are are attracted to physically is a good match for us.
Much of these behaviors can be screened out prior to investing into longer term relationships but many do not do that up front. We all have different perspectives, experiences and are at different points in our lives so many will have experiences that others have not yet or never will experience.
Of course, if you really want to see why I write why she needs to take action is in this article here, entitle: This last advise is absolutely ludicrous. Women always have to play the fixer upper or we lose. Dear Eric, My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over a year and so far things have been okay. Lately though i have contemplating about leaving him because of his flirtacious nature with other girls. I have found facebook messages and texts of him giving his phone number away as soon as he is even introduced to a girl.
Now i am already an insecure sometimes needy girlfriend and i have been trying to change for myself because i hate being naurotic. Well the incident happened about 2 weeks ago, he was hanging out with his friends, one who is a known cheater of his girlfriend, and his was this guy his girlfriend and another old friend, they all know eachother from highschool.
Now this all sounded good reasonable, but still i have my doubts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you. Lets start with 2, you. So the million dollar question is: What do you want? You want that guy but you want him to yourself, it sounds. How can a woman accomplish this? Its called self respect and you must respect yourself if you want others to.
He either never cared about you or thought he did but after getting closer changed his mind but doesnt want to lose you. They want to string you along while weighing their options. Again, back to you. What type of relationship do you want? What type of partner do you want? I guess with our relationship, he does care, I go to meet his best friends, i hang out with them all the time, right now he does live with me and we are working on making the best of it.
I guess I am just trying to decipher if he really is cheating or if he is just a dumbass and actually believes that his responses are innocent. All the other scenarios he has never called them baby or babe or beautiful or sexy nothing like that at all, it usually just sarcastic jokes and then they ask him to hang out and he says no. If you feel it with him then it is your life. My goal here is to not sway your perspective. It is to break you free a bit emotionally from the situation.
He might spill more info. There are people who are open to this idea. I personally am not offended by the concept. The problem is where people are not direct and honest about it. Which is OK, with a decent human being but if you have a dishonest mate, youre being walked all over. What CAN happen Im not saying it is this case is that a person can become codependent and because of this, theyll justify anything because they care.
My parents have been married about 35 years. There is a certain level of codependency, but they respect each other so it works. It sucks and I choer I couldnt allow that and moved forward.
Just look for a little space to reflect. CountMackula- Seeking some man advice… My boyfriends friend girl has really disrespected me and our relationship. She used to send him nude pictures, and questionale emails and texts. We broke up in the past because of this type of stuff, and when getting back together he promised me it was all going to end. He was no longer going to talk to this friend anymore. Things I felt were going great between us and this just threw me waaay off. We argued and argued about this, to no compromise or conclusion.
But he still emails her. And you are absolutely correct. Hmmm… do you think, when you ask yourself really honestly, that he wants the kind of relationship that you want? There used to be moments of space mixed into our days, where we would just have to wait for things. The most sane thing you can do for yourself is to start bringing space into your life as much as possible.
It is within moments of space where we are most able to connect with ourselves and the life within us. Without space, it almost feels as though this constant activity is like a vortex that pulls us into it. We can get caught up in it, thinking about and reacting to the happenings streaming through our smartphone into our head.
With the social aspect of social media, we might even find it very heard not to feed into the constant drama of it. Contrasted against that, we have a whole inner world that, for most people, remains largely unexplored. When people talk about having a relationship with yourself, what does that really mean in the deepest sense? This is where you recharge your metaphorical batteries… and this is where your partner does as well.
Make space a priority. Make your mood a priority. We all need space, although men relate to space and silence in a way that is different in character to the way women seem to relate to having space…. Whether or not the guys you know have men in their lives they can hang out with without being unnecessarily chatty, the vast majority of men could relate to how this is possible. Most women I know would find the thought of sitting in silence with another woman for hours to be incomprehensible and… not much fun.
I would say the same thing for women spending time with other women. There is something to be said for enjoying and accentuating the polarities of your gender in who you spend time with. I say all this because I want to drive home the point that there is much more to having a healthy relationship than being in constant contact with your partner. Do these thoughts every lead to any positive outcome? Living this way comes with a horrible price… the drain increases and becomes more pronounced over time… it affects our mood… and our negative mood radiates outward and affects our relationship negatively.
The punchline here is this: In that space, it will be very easy to see what is needed for the situation. Texting constantly is a pain in the ass. So I try to keep things short but polite. Truth is, this guy probably was really into you when he was texting constantly and probably still is. Sometimes we can get caught up into thinking that the other person is being rude when our text message goes unanswered.
We are interrupting them and expecting that they should answer a text message just because we sent them something is selfish. But if the other person might feel that they are being barraged with messages and it could be overwhelming or even annoying sometimes. And I probably more than any other guy on the planet know how much that can drive a woman crazy.
Be un-reactive to it and assume they really, really like you. This advice is for you. When you stop reacting to things automatically, you gain awareness of the situation. When you are un-reactive, you get to choose the best move. So be un-reactive to this so that you have clarity of the whole situation.
The other side of how to handle this in a useful way is to assume that the other person really, really likes you. The fact is none of us are mind readers… we will never know exactly what the other person is thinking.
I can also tell you that people who assume that other people love them usually end up surrounded by people who love them. Same goes for relationships and attraction. Sure, it may seem a little delusional to just choose an assumption to make about how the other person feels about you, but the truth is that we do it all the time anyway! You might as well choose an assumption that serves you instead of one that guarantees failure. And finally, one of the best things you can do is make sure that you have a full, enjoyable, fun life.
Make your life your focus and it will make his erratic texting behaviors much more tolerable. That is a recipe for disaster if you do….
But there is more you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…. At some point, he will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to commit myself to? The answer will determine whether the relationship deepens or ends.
Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? If not, you need to read this article next: The 1 Things Men Desire in a Woman. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes.
Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: Hey so ive been talking to this guy for 2months or so all the sudden he met someone else but i cant get over him do to how he was with me different than the rest. We recently got in a fight and stopped talking I want to txt him but his still mad should i hold off and give him space and time to cool off?
Hi, I just met a guy and I heard from my colleague saying that he thinks im beautiful. I texted him after a few days from the gathering, he even asked if I would go to watch his competition. I asked him If everithink is ok and told him he is everything I ever needed I love him a lot and I want to make him happy.
Thank you very much! It was greatly appreciated. Reading this cleared my head, and I will definitely be keeping this article handy to go back to anytime I need it. I used to be friends with this boy when I was younger and more recently we have started talking daily on text for about a month now and we have met up 4times. The last time we met up went really well and that evening we talked and said goodnight as usual.
So then I get a response from his dad saying he got grounded, so he is not ignoring me?! I got told his phone got taken away, but later on I see him commenting on a post! Is he actually making dumb excuses to not talk to me? Thanks for all your content, Eric.
As cliche as it is for me to get worried every now and then and overanalyze things and therefore look for articles online to help calm my nerves, it really does help. Rationally I know that nothing is wrong, but I suppose we all have our inner demons that make us believe differently. Good news, though, is that this has been gradually happening less and less often. Self-esteem is just something you have to gradually work on. That being put aside!
Hi, I met this really hot, nice guy 3 days ago at a kids play land. His son and mine were playing together. I saw him checking me out and we were clearly attracted to each other.
He asked for my number and texted me 10min later with a pic of our kids. We ended up texting all night then. I ended he conversation that night as it got so late and he then texted me again, initiating the next day around noon. We sent a few texts back and forth and I sent him the last one yesterday around 4pm, not really asking anything but agreeing to a situation that is similar to his childcare.
He was very consistent in his texting and it flowed well, no playing games. What should I do? Does it mean he lost interest? He seemed very into me and I followed his lead. Am I being paranoid? And I completely agree with all of you saying that you prefer to see each other rather than texting I hate how technology turns everything complicated. But then it keeps me thinking, I think the problem with girls being in the relationship as someone who want to keep texting, is because we are still in the beginning of dating phase where it is started through texting.
Girls want to keep texting not because we prefer texting, but we are hoping that it will get us to the next level, which is going out with the guy. You know what I mean? Does it make sense? Actually ive been through such a thing but we texted for 5 months and he suddenly just stopped and that hurts like a pain in the neck… i undrestand.
Then the guy would text ME back saying that he had not texted because he had not heard from ME and assumed I lost interest. I was used to hearing that women should not initiate texts. Wow thank you so much for opening my eyes! I am going through a very similarly situation like this.
This is very helpful! So im married and I have a few friends but we never hang out. I just made a new friend a few months ago and we were texting all the time and have even hung out a few times and we have a lot in common including the fact that neither of us has friends to hang out with and we were having a lot of fun and were so happy to have someone to hang out with. Also the day after he had the job he said he was busy with the job again which like I said I thought was only a one day thing and also I saw that he posted new pictures of him n his gf on fb like right after he told me that.
Amazing site…really helped me understand my special some One.: I was taking the train and he worked there and saw me and came up to me first. So it was late and we had already texted for 4 hours that night so he asked me if he can text me tomorrow and said to have a lovely night.
I should have said there was a lot going on and stress and i really didnt hangout with anyone other than my close knit friends, which is true too. I was chatting with a old online friend for half of August.
Both of us really into each other and was willing to drive 7hrs and stay at a hotel. As a road trip and meet him. Not a single word from two weeks ago. Oh well his loss I say. There was this old crush I use to like that suddenly wrote to me on fb because my friend told me he likes me which I was shocked by. We met up and chat for a bit then went to grab something to eat but then when we were walking he wanted to hold my hand so I let him then later on we texted everyday then he texted me he also like me in high school.
So basically a woman is just supposed to say he still likes me. Nobody is forcing you. And at the same time, if you are going to choose to be with someone, it makes sense to swim with the current instead of against it. I would also like to add to this that if a guy is truly interested then he should make a move and ask the girl out to start a relationship outside of texting. If he was interested, he would be pursuing.
This behavior still pisses me off. I understand that it is not natural to be constantly texting back and forth. People need to get work done and go about their daily lives without a phone in front of their face.
I understand that completely and totally. But there is such a thing as common courtesy and etiquette. That is just insulting and unacceptable. I am not someone to be turned to out of the blue just because you are bored. I agree completely with everything you said. Hey thanks for the advice! Your article is sooo on point. I shall take that advice. Be non-reactive and stop worrying. Hi, I talked to a guy before a week ago.
We know each other from a matrimonial site. At first he was crazy talking to me. Before a week ago one day we talked over phone for the whole night. But I really liked the guy. And he also told that he likes be and he wanna be my life partner.
I know am getting crazy. How can I get him back? Should I call him?? The three day rule is just sad. If you like someone, message them. Life is way too short to assume anything, and honesty goes a long way. Even if you get through your day and send it before getting into bed….. It goes a long way. So this girl would always wait anywhere between a full two days to respond to my texts and never respond to the questions I asked.
My conclusion was that she was either not reading them or trying to play it cool. Anything less, not good enough. You owe that to yourself to be happy. This was a really insightful article and I do appreciate the perspective. I really tire of people making excuses about texting yet they have every social media app, post lattes and grande, and potlucks on their timeline, and pirate any free wifi they can get in range of. Stop it right now. Yes, I get it, we all have lives, but communication is key especially if that is how the relations started.
I asked for her number and she took my phone from me to type it in herself and went on to ask if I remembered her name. Anyway, I waited a whole five days before texting her a message to which she simply did not respond. I tried again another two days later and we spoke for a few minutes or so. Two days from then I tried to text her, but have had no reply for the past three days. She probably waited with baited breath for those 3 days and then after that gave up.
What was the purpose of you waiting five days? If you waited to text me after 5 days I would have put your number in the spam box and let you eat the silence. If someone gives you their number they are expecting a text that day at least one to say Hi this is so-and-so…get a grip buddy stop playing with people. We both got tipsy and I ended up at his place and we had sex 5 times best sex of my life. Anyway he dropped me home and we spoke the next day and he will message me quite frequently.
We went on a second date and had sex again but it was a bit awkward not sure why. Let him contact you and suggest an actual date. You can rewind a little and hold him to a higher standard now. I need an answer asap pleas.. I knew this guy for 2 years and have been dating for most of that plus we work together. He found out, got jealous, and asked me to choose.
When I would ask if we were in a committed relationship, he would change the subject. Charles, I read your article today. Your article helped me a little bit. I have question what if I have already text him 5 times. I texted 4 this weekend and one today. I also go to school with him. So you will understand where I coming from. I am not very good at the texting guy thing. This is the first time he has done this. I am confuse on what I should do? Should I be worried that I have done something to make him stop texting me.
By they way I go to school with him and we have one class together. Thank you so much for any advise you can give me. Always teasing us then now he stopped texting me for days and i dont even know if its my fault, i dont know if he got tired of waiting? Always initiating the conversation first? Or just lost his interest? I recently started back conversing with an ex because he said he wanted to try a relationship again. I just have two questions: Ty anyone who answers. A guy that I have been seeing for three months now has a very busy job.
Some weeks he works as much as 90 hours. Early on there was a week I had barely heard from him and he was not responding to my messages as quickly as he normally did. This worried me that he is not interested anymore. But I was reassured when he finally phoned and apologized for being distant. Recently he was promoted to a position that requires a greater time commitment and although I would text him in the morning or afternoon I would hear back from him the next day and this has been continuing for over two weeks now.
To add, last weekend he took a trip to the states to visit his family during a very busy work week. I texted him that weekend to see how his trip is going and he told me that he is on his way out and that he will talk to me later. Its been 4 days now and I still have not heard from him. I know he has returned from his trip and that he frequently checks his facebook messenger.
Reading this article I am hoping that he is in fact busy with work. But my gut tells me that he is not interested anymore. I believe that if someone truly wants to talk to you they will make an effort. Does anyone have any advice? I think some of this is good advice and some is bad. Not reacting is cool and all but, assuming anything is bad. Same goes for assuming anything. If I text someone today I texted last week and they respond with: What happened to just asking them in person?
All this passive stuff is stupid. All you end up doing is assuming. Then the other person will think: If you have that much of a problem get to the source. Someone did that to me before.
I called them out. I was cool with it. I just wanted the truth so I could stop wasting my effing time. They reassured me that was not the case. Even told a lie or two.
I knew it was all a lie. Whenever I see them they are glued to their phone. So, I stopped contacting them. I got What I wanted. I am not a supply source so you can feel important. You are not special. I am not some lonely fool who is so desperate that I stick around with someone who ignores my messages.
Filters them out unless they are what they like. I stand by that. I will even thank them the next time I see them. Thanks for ignoring me. I almost made the mistake of having a LTR with you. What a disaster that would have been. The worst feeling is imagining them picking up their phone, looking at the message, and not even reading it, just scrolling onto the message from the more important person.
You have a good attitude there, and good standards. Having the same problem, bf suddenly stops messaging for 4 days now, we went outside of the country but he is ignoring my messages i only send him messages like have a good day, how are you, and only once a day.
I just went through a similar situation. I will provide some background so that my story will make more sense. I accepted but we never really contacted each other. He later unfriended me and I noticed this but was cool about it as we were not friends, just acquaintances. Well, now we are in the here and now and a week and a half ago, he sent me a message on Facebook wishing me a great weekend. Needless to say, we starting chatting through Facebook. Now, I have to admit that I am in my late thirties and he is in in his early twenties, therefore, there is a big age difference between us.
Well, to make a long story somewhat shorter, we were chatting and I made a comment that maybe someday I could hear him play as he is musically inclined. He commented that if I was saying that I wanted to hang out and I was not sure what to reply but ended up saying that I would not mind hanging out someday if he would like to.
I forgot to mention that before this, he had asked if we could chat through a different way and I later responded if he was referring to talking on the phone.
He then mentioned that yes, that would be cool and I gave him my cell number and he gave me his. I asked him what his schedule was like and he said he worked nights and that no one would be around while he was working. I told him that I would rather not hang out with him during work time but if it was possible, perhaps when he had a day off or before he reported to work. He then explained how he worked two shifts and it would be a while before he had a normal schedule which may or may not be true.
He asked if I had told anyone that we were talking. I told him that I casually mentioned it to a friend and he asked me what friend I had told. I told him I agreed about the privacy because I was also a private person but I mentioned that his question surprised me.
After work he asked to meet me outside and we walked together and we agreed to text each other. We texted and I answered his questions.
He then asked if I had anything serious and I said no. I asked him that same question and he replied that he had nothing serious. He said good but that his phone was dying and asked if he could text me when he could charge it. I said sure no problem and that he could text me when he finished charging his phone. About 14 minutes later, he said that he did not have his charger and that his phone was at a low percentage and that he wanted to say goodnight because he would not be able to talk for the rest of the night.
I replied no worries as I went to sleep at a certain time and for him not to worry. I also said that I wished him a good night and to take care. I also said hopefully we can talk tomorrow. It has been 4 days and he has not texted or messaged me. I continued my routine and went on with my life. I ran into him today as I was leaving work and he saw me from afar and waved with a smile.
I was just glad to know that he was nonchalant about the situation because it would have felt so awkward and uncomfortable for me because I pride myself in being a kind person and honestly, it would have felt horrible for me to run into him and have him look the other way because in reality nothing major happened between us.
I like him but I know we are not on the same page in life and that we have different expectations. I am a kind, generous, beautiful, mature and intelligent woman. I deserve someone that will be willing to invest in a relationship in the same way that I would.
Sometimes these experiences help us to understand that we have to go through them to find the person that is right for us. This guy is not a bad guy, he was just not the right guy for me as we are both in a different place. I know that he will not contact me in that way again and I am okay with that. I can only learn from this experience and hope that it will make me a better, stronger and more confident woman. Eric is absolutely right in stating that our reactions are the only thing we have control over.
I know that I did the right thing in my situation by not communicating with him. This demonstrated the confidence that I have in myself and has me to grow as a person.
These situations occur all of the time and that it is okay because I have the power to take control of my actions and reactions and this has allowed me to be true to myself and understand that what he thinks or does is not important. What is important is that his actions do not define me or my self worth. We text everyday, bust since he got back from his about 4 weeks, he never answers any of my messages.
So I was talking to this guy for a few days and things were going great then he decides to just disappear not telling me why. There is this guy i really like and we talk sometimes on or way to class then all the sudden he stopped talking to me then next thang i know he is talking to me a agen and he has need doing this on and off thang all year. What does it mean. My boyfriend has suddenly stopped talking to me and when he does it is very cold and detached.
We had a very intimate but very infrequent relationship. Two days ago he apologized for not talking and knows it upsets me because I worry about him. Yesterday he sent me a text that was very cold and distant. He is holding on to excess baggage. It is a major defense mechanism. I thing he wants to talk to u. But he things u should start first talking to him… You ask him how are you??? Or any other question… Make him interest in you. I just wanted to throw my two cents in because I am going through something similar right now.
I met a girl online a little over a week ago and we began texting. Mind you, I only had just started communicating with her for a couple of days before this started. After all, we all get a little nervous when first talking to people, and that can show up on on text as well. We had a phone conversation that lasted for almost two hours went well a day before I was leaving to go visit friends and I told her I would be out of state for a couple of days.
Barraging a guy with texts, especially very early in the relationship, comes across as somewhat clingy, even deparate. Many of us have been in relationships before with someone who might have become possessive and the hint of that early on can and will scare us off.
It seems she got comfortable with you and wants you to be a part of what she is doing. I think its really sad that you are going to end it with her because she is interested in you. I get what you are saying but it still sucks. Why dont you tell her that you dont like to text too much or its distracting?
I feel so bad for this girl. I agree with Bee. I never really give feedback, but you should that this helped me a whole lot. I want to have a guys opinion my husband and i separated in march of last year and then we started talking again in may of that same year. In july i found out after i set him up he told me he had sex with one of his ex.
She had constantly had been talking to him until i told her of of course. I read your article and loved it to the core xx. I have a question. Then at first he was really showing his concern for me in his own little simpla ways.
Which I found really sweet. We were texting constantly and he was always teasing me and making me laugh. Since before I had a crush on him. And because of those things I fell deeper. Then we had a movie matharon and sleep over with the group. Then he started hugging me tighter. Then when I turned around he gave me a peck on the lips.
But when he hugged me I hugged him back. He started ignoring me. And when I see him he used to look directly in my eyes but now.. Ok so I have a question. We finally had our first date last weekend. We live in different states. Anyway, we had a great time. He had to catch his flight the next day and as soon as he left he text saying how much he missed me already He text me when he landed and again later that night.
Again a day later. It is normal to go a day without talking. We are both single parents and he has his own company that he is very focused on and trying to make it work. He is busy with work all the time, which I understand and admire his devotion. That I am no way bothering him by messaging him. When he told me this he said that he is always busy but hearing from me makes him smile.
I try to space my text to him but idk what to think if I should even worry. I mean this man spent money on a plane ticket to see me and take me out and did not expect anything in return…just having fun together. And just minutes after I got into my car. I think you are okay! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I so needed to see this for a major wake up call. Me and my guy were texting nonstop for about 2 weeks.
This was before we met online dating then I would say after the second date the text slowly started tapering off. I became very worried and to make a long story short I had to do some damage control lol. Anyways, I relaxed and he called me. But it does get exhausting so I have been trying to give him more space. One time my friend sent a embarrassing text from my phone.
My boyfriend was doing a presentation and it popped up on the screen. All of his bosses and colleagues saw it. He texted me back that he was furious, and very embarrassed. It has been over a week. Does this mean we are broken up because of a stupid prank?
First of all that was absolutely HIS problem. He should have put his phone on Do Not Disturb or otherwise. My online friend is not coming online anymore and i dont know why. At first i thought he could be ill and i was worried but then one day i saw him online somewhere else, hes just not coming online on Skype anymore where we always used to chat. I just dont understand that. Why is he doing this to me? We have known each other for four years. I wish he would just at least say goodbye to me, if he is not interested in our friendship anymore.
What should i do now? How to move on? Then one day I send him a good morning text and wish him a good day at work, he responds, and I still expect him to call. So I'm just gonna be aloof about it, like I had been all along, and prepare to move on if he has lost interest. I've yet to find an advice piece online that doesn't automatically assume the girl is annoying the absolute crap out of the guy and doesn't understand what having a life means and it's not the other way around.
I thought taking the quiz would help, but I couldn't even finish it because none of the answers applied to my situation. And the sad thing is I already know how to solve my own problem. I've noticed it since middle school when I dressed cute and the same guy would compliment my outfit and I would start to think about him when I dressed up to go to school and he would be sick on ALL those days. So I am not texting him back at all today, and maybe if it lasts longer than today, I'll send a heart or something tomorrow just to express that he is still on my mind and I care.
Then, after a few days he may say something about it, and that's when I'll communicate that I really appreciated when he would call more, and see if he can't at least call at bedtime. If he complies, the conversations will become shorter and shorter until it's a simple "Just calling to say goodnight". It has only been 2 days he might have something else he needs to attend to.
Be patient and it will all work out. But it is devastating when they stop talking to you, not responding to your phone calls, texts or emails. If they have time to go on Facebook and post comments and photos, they most certainly have time to text us.
Maybe a week is too soon to be freaking out over his sudden silence. Ashlyn, you are right. Its so easy to send a quick message.
This actually really sets my mind at ease Ive been telling myself that but until i read it here i was still worried When we were texting back and forth constantly he would tell me if he was busy so id know but know its really disconcerting Thanks. Thanks for this article!
I feel like us girls put way to much emphases on texting i am guilty of this too! Before our date we were texting pretty frequently each day but since our date the texting has dwindled. Should I be worried or am I just over reacting. Thank you so much for this article! It really helped me out. This guy who I like, and who is a very good friend of mine, stopped texting me throughout the whole summer. I think you are right about just being unreactive Thanks a bunch! Particularly when I call em cheap.
It was probably a mistake. I guess I could really use this advice. Would you leave a business associate hanging like that if they were used to texting back and forth about business and then it became bothersome?
So, why not grow a pair and have some basic courtesy. Its not that hard! Put your phone down and find something else to do. Once I have finished I will reply and if its been a long time hours ill give her the reason as to why I was busy, Too many girls get so worked up over this, just chill… relax!
Seriously its simple as that! Send him a quick flirty message, tell him a joke! Guys get bored if you make it too long or too conversational! We are really good friends, we get along so well, and have so much in common. We flirt a little bit here and there and have great chemistry but nothing had every made me think he liked me in that way until the other day when i had a little gathering at my house and he came we had a few drinks and at the end of the night he left with his friends but forgot his jacket and keys and had to come back.
This brought back all the feelings i had for him but left me really confused I felt he was giving me mixed messages. This happened 3 days ago and i havent heard from him since and i dont know what to do.
I want to talk to him about it and find out if he truly likes me but i dont know how to approach the situation because we were both under the influence of alcohol and he has a girlfriend. Ok Eric- i love your articles thank u!! Its not like im confessing my love to him— its honestly a non- committal, gratuitous comment by me… To make HIM smile!
I do not put out a needy vibe with him either i keep this confusion about his behavior to myself!! Have I just found myself trying to please a jerk? Or is this common for many men to do this? A new mode is a great way to open our own hearts willing to look closely at what our desire, and heal ourselves.
Instead of constantly seeking ways to please my ex boy friend, I find pleasure within myself. When you know how much you care and love your man, you best believe he knows as well. How can he just do this to me, why is he so disrespectful and cruel to me now, what did I do wrong….
I had to pull myself together because I was asking the wrong questions!! The 4th time he did his last minute break up, about 5 days ago,he said so many negative things to me, he talked about all of my weaknesses, my short comings my heart was brutal ripped out, and for what!
Missing his love started way before he left me with no warning, in fact less than 24hrs prior he told me how much he loved me and I was the only woman for him. Emotional and verbal abuse is what I noticed just from being able to take care of me, and yes I still love him and I hope this time upart will bring him back to me. I cannot talk about groceries right now. But I know many men who text their male friends constantly.
My ex kept up a dialogue with his bros nonstop, two or three times in a couple of hours, and yet took half a day to respond to me. Initiates texts with me then stops responding. Talks to a mutual male friend constantly. The thing to consider here is how being around his buddies feels compared to how it feels to being around you. Guys are really simple: If something or someone sometimes feels good to us, then we like interacting with them sometimes.
If something or someone almost never feels good, then we avoid dealing with it or giving it attention. Guys just want to feel good. Talking with his buddy feels good. The question you can ask yourself is: Figure out the answer to that for yourself and relationships will never be hard or confusing for you…. This comment here in your eyes is expressing your views on how supposidely simple men are and how suppposidely complicated women are.
The real reason is that we do not have any true men left on this planet and that many men do not know how to deal with their emotions so instead they find different methods of quick mental satisfaction rather than confronting the situation they are dealing with. Communication is very important and shoud be a base of any relationship. A women should know her worth but also express her feelings and not assume a guy is busy since he is not texting back. So if we need to know something why not, just a suggestion here, tell us.
So me and my ex we text daily and he says that we are friends but acts like more than friends!! The thing is lately he would text me and we talk then he disappears mid conversation!!! And he sees my last text and he checks his whatsapp frequently!!!
I never push the conversation i most of the time let him initiate! I love that Eric Charles.. Im not sure but I reckon many of us who are not in stable relationships are insecure.. Is it weird if a guy asks me out to see a movie and then I have to figure the times, the movie, and the directions.
I mean…he did pay but this seems strange to me. Sounds like a good indication of what the rest of your relationship with this person will be like; You doing all the work and him reaping the benefits. As soon as that happened, and I looked for something real again, guess what happened? A woman did to me, what that guy is doing to you! He saw that you were inexperienced and probably pretty, too.
So he targetted you, persisted, and coerced you into giving it up. I see it all the time. And the cycle will happen all over again. If you want to avoid this eventuality, you have to stop texting this guy. He will never be happy. You will never be happy if you keep chasing him. From a man this hits home for me. Was seeing someone like this and had his type of relationship if you want to call it that. Anyways out of the blue stopped texting me, etc, texted him a few times with no response, was heartbroken and so confused.
Your right, why am I chasing him? It is self defeating and so soul crushing, ty!!! So I met my bests friends boyfriends best friend, we all hung out and hit it off like my best friend thought we would. He told her I was cute. We hung out again and exchanged numbers. We talked everyday since then. He told me he wants to take me fishing since its his favorite thing too and told me to text him in the morning because he wanted to wake up from a text from me.
Oh my gosh this is inspiring. To know that at least some one understands this really helps me.. What can I do to make him like me again? I never said any mean word to him I begged him to tell my mistake I asked to be just a friend but he just stopped replying. You need to relax. Let her figure it out on her own. What a wierdo…cursing and threatening. You are a pathetic male role model…. Bravo… great post JMR! Your daughter should be proud she has such a caring and honourable da.
So we have been dating for 2 months. We go to different schools and berally see eachother, i think we have maybe hung out 6 times tops. It sucks because the time between hanging out is always so long and we are both really busy; me with volleyball and him with football. So the only way that we really keep the relationship going and communicate at all is by texting. For the past week we have only sent about 40 messages to eachother… compared to the we used to send per day!!
I had this thought that he was cheating on me. The last thing people have said to me is maybe he lost his phone. Would be the same way around vice versa?
Back off, stop texting him…. Spend energy on making yourself happy and healthy, and stop expecting so much attention from these poor guys! I have been in contact with this guy for least half a year. Few mths ago he went overseas for his studies and got back recently. Everything was fine within that few mths, constantly contacting each other with texts. Thought things will work out just fine.
He came back recently but there was no news for him, at all. That was when I began to realize, all the waiting is worthless after all: When I date a guy who is hearing with no problems my only means is texting since i CANNOT hear on the phone, therefore makes texting my main source of communicating electronically.
So if a guy really cared, then texting me shouldnt be an issue, right? I met this guy on line. We have been going out for more than a month now. He was injured a while ago so we only saw each other three times. So except the first time, every date would last for more than five hours. But he finally convinced me to meet him and we kind of really liked each other. He texted me everyday and we emailed each other a lot. His messages are all very romantic and well written.
Even though, we never talked about love, but there was definitely chemistry between us. He would put a lot of effort to spend time with me. We spent almost ten hours together last Wednesday. We were so happy together and he was so gentle with me. Well, we only held hands, cuddled and hugged when he left.
He seemed so happy to see me again and he specifically made that day for me. On Friday, he was still sending me texts on my way to a vacation spot. He texted me on Sunday, and after that, he just disappeared. Since we met on the dating site, he has been texting me every day, always first thing in the morning.
I signed in on the dating site, and found out that he was on line today and yesterday and he even updated his profile by adding something. I have no idea when he did that. When we met on Wednesday, I cooked lunch for him and he took me to a park.
For the sake of this discussion, by "breakup" I mean everything from ending a long-term relationship all the way down to going quiet after a couple dates or even just an initial communication. “The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.” Took the words right out of my mouth. Any time I have heard this from a woman I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was projecting her fear of loneliness on me. Feb 16, – List Of Naija Singles Looking For www.playnewzealandgolf.com If Interested 1) year-old guy looking for love. He is a practising medical doctor in Port Harcourt looking for a slim (or moderate size, but not fat),sexy, tall damsel to settle down with.