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I just bought a new house yay me! After living with family for about a year while I saved up to be able to afford a down payment, you can imagine how excited I am to be able to put my own decorating touch on my own space! I invited my oldest friend over to see it over the weekend. I know, some of these sound nice but these are just the comments I remembered.
I actually had the couch specifically where I wanted. Oh, and she made a comment about one of my end tables being too big for the space. I believe she comes from a good place, but this is how she is with everyone — constantly offering her opinions and advice when not asked for. I promise to seek your wise counsel if I need it. Give her a few chances and some time to let her reset things.
Unsolicited advice is exhausting. This goes a thousandfold for anything medical or related to eating. Do you literally share a body with that person? And for the love of all that is holy and unholy, if someone complains about their iPhone or their Android device or their Mac vs. You can even talk to your friend about this most recent visit. I loved having you over, but it was part of a pattern where you give me a lot of advice and I feel pretty bad about it, since some of it feels like criticism and some of it feels like you not respecting my decisions.
I want to spend time with you but I want to break this pattern. Talking about this kind of thing is similar to making good apologies. Otherwise it can easily get into unproductive territory. This is how I feel about it. Can you do y? The alternatives to the conversation are, 1 ending the friendship whether that happens slowly or with a cut-off, or 2 continuing to feel bad throughout the friendship.
Maybe those are acceptable options to the LW, which is absolutely OK. Sometimes I think feelingsbombs are reflexive responses to discomfort, and other times I think they are really, truly, hostile manipulative actions.
The friend may respond with a slight feelingsbomb and then move on, or the friend may try to make it A Thing. The main difference is that the reflexive feelings bomb will usually be followed in relatively short order by the Bomb Squad of Genuine Apologies. Others will react differently, of course, but then you have valuable info. Most people, when you point out to them how manipulative it is, will get it, and at least try to change. It just sort-of happens. When people are in emotional pain, I think the impulse to be compassionate is good, even if their emotions are more intense than mine maybe they have an anxiety disorder?
How do you pick a reparative action? How do you deal when you ask for a reparative action, receive it, and that turns out not to resolve the situation? But the scale has to be appropriate.
Did a missed coffee date leave me feeling not just annoyed, but unimportant? I tell them that, and ask in the future for them to be more mindful of the impact of a seemingly minor oversight.
If you DO end up in the aforementioned frustrating scenario…. I like to do this before they even have a chance to weigh in, personally. Are you up for that? I love the suggestion of a reparative action for many reasons. To ask for what you want! A great approach to getting good things or at least knowing where you stand with someone. And you gave good scripts for how to graciously but honestly deflect that unwanted input.
I hate this, and I actually hate its close cousin more: When people have asked, I explain why. I even point out that it really is me and my idiosyncrasies. I do this with my mother. I feel this SO hard, with that specific example in particular.
I finally watched it on a bet with a friend. I so did this with Firefly too! I put off watching if for years because it was strongly recommended to me by my snobby friend who had just shit all-over my favorite show. I think I finally watched it when I was sick and really bored. When Firefly was out, I had not only what felt like all of the internet, but also many of my close friends just insisting and insisting that I should watch it. Even all these years later, I have zero interest in checking it out.
This is infinitely true for me. I fully admit to almost exclusively watching the absolute fluffiest, least-conflict oriented shows in existence. Shows about charming people rescuing or training animals, shows where pleasant British people bake things, shows where underappreciated people are surprised with expensive gifts, home makeovers, or money to start their dream business, shows where clever people travel and try delicious local foods, shows where some young artists or designers compete to make the best art.
Very cool and pleasant and fun to watch. Lots of interesting contestants of all kinds. Depends on whose vacation it is.
I spend some of that down time blogging. Not sure when we would watch television. A friend will DVR stuff she knows I would like, and once a week or so we have lunch together and then watch TV, eat chocolate and tell lies. It works for us. Thanks, got it, will put that show on the someday list. Navigating conversations about movies and TV shows when I am trying to pass as neurotypical is… tricky! Hey, look, a three-headed monkey! Usually I just offer something pretty boring: The other thing I like to do is try to frame it in a positive way.
Friends still need to take no for an answer, but I feel less stressed and frustrated when I know their impulsive enthusiasm is about desiring to be inclusive of me rather than just their media obsession. I have some of those, too. But then, something happened, and I stopped watching.
I just have to do marathon or nothing, these days. What force compels me to? Is some drug addled ganglord going to break into my living room and hold a gun to my head? Will I be arrested and sent to a reeducation camp? Will alien lizard people kidnap me and use me for live vivisection? And then it will no longer feel like MY experience, but a performance for her or vicarious experience for her.
But what if you made a game out of hearing all of them? You invite her over. Keep a tally either in your mind or even in a notebook of every bossy opinion.
Make funny private bets with yourself about how many negative comments she can cram into 5 minutes. Give yourself points for guessing correctly and more points if she manages to surprise you with something you never thought anyone could say.
Once, he picked me up at the airport and we went to baggage claim. It was a new record — I had been home about 20 minutes.
Sometimes I keep a little scorecard on my computer and keep track of the doozies. All that to say, try to disconnect from it if you can. I imagine she does this to everyone? I am so with you! The answer is often No. Oh dear, insulting you AND slapping your butt? That takes the cake. And it gives me another idea for a game. In this one, you list all the inappropriate comments, then rate them from most outrageous to least.
Though my opinions about which comments I think are worse are irrelevant. I also just noticed something. Friend sent the picture on her phone. LW is supposed to be in charge of printing, framing and hanging? It gives weight to the idea that even the lesser more innocuous comments are still inappropriate. I might really not mind if one friend said one time that a brighter light bulb in the lamp behind my reading chair would make me more comfortable, and that was the only comment of its sort.
We would bet with ourselves or with our partner what the outcome of a problem situation would be.
And those who stay clean, just appreciate things. At breakfast they have milk and juice at night. There are those who do both, they drink tea. What do you do? You integrate it with cream, you make it weak. But if you pour too much cream in it, you won't even know you ever had coffee.
It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it puts you to sleep.
I like my heroes complicated and brooding, James Dean in oiled leather, leaning on a motorcycle. You know the color. Now, listen very carefully: You've got coffee, haven't you?
Many visitors queued up overnight for a chance to hang out where Chandler and Joey chatted up girls and Phoebe held her notoriously unmusical sing-alongs - her guitar is on display.
How did they all stay Friends? The Chinese Central Perk. Friends 20th anniversary Central Perk shop opens. Friends will always be there for us. Their brother was born the next day. Our whole family loves it. We lined up from 7. Her sister, 26, added: We are definitely coming back. Friends Mary Ellero, Nancy Burns, Janice Kogelmann and her daughter Cheryl reminisced about the episode in which Chandler and Joey encountered a pair of bullies who refused to let them claim their usual spot on the sofa.
I still watch it all the the time. Friends ran for 10 series and was never out of the top five television shows in the US, as well as being syndicated around the world. The finale on May 6 , which saw Rachel and Ross finally reunited, was watched by
www.playnewzealandgolf.com: You're My Favorite Bitch To Bitch About Bitches With Funny Coffee Mug 15 oz - Unique Gift Idea for Her, BFF, Bachelorette Party - Perfect Birthday Gifts for Best Friend: Kitchen & Dining. # “My friend won’t stop giving me unsolicited advice.” Dear Captain, I just bought a new house (yay me!) and am still unpacking/deciding where things go. Caffeine is a stimulant that increases alertness and boosts energy levels. Caffeine itself doesn’t cause drowsiness. Coffee, however, is a complex beverage, and drinking it can make you feel tired at times.