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We will be glad to talk with you privately, or help in any other way that we can. Surveys and research participation requests must be pre-approved by the mod team. Posts we have okayed will be flaired. I don't even know why i'm posting this here, this shit doesn't help. You have a computer.
Would you like a computer game? I could send one to you. You might feel better after blowing some virtual things up. I have quite a few that I can't play, because I have a Mac and bought pack sets on Steam. So I could give you a choice of which ones. And you could play the new game tonight, and see if you feel better tomorrow.
Are you taking any drugs? Because alcohol and drugs aggravate depression. Have you been evaluated for hypothyroidism, celiac, anemia, or anything else that causes depression? There is also a virus that causes depression. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can take for it. I take buproprion for my depression. It works for me, but if I don't take it, I think of killing myself.
It makes that big a difference. Also, I have celiac and hypothyroidism, both being treated. I almost did it. I was so fucking close. A few tiny different variables and I wouldn't still be here. Shit continues to suck. The emotional things I'm most pissed off about still aren't more than halfway resolved.
But my circumstances got better. I got more control, over time. I began to see a way out of slavery to those fucking sickening 'masters'. And eventually, I looked down at that festering black pit I once thought of as a heart and I realized there was a glimmer of something starting to show that had been missing for a goddamn long time. Don't do it, man. Just get fucked up and wander around and then pass out for a while.
Ignore your obligations for a few days, or longer. Keep dragging your sorry ass around until something manages to half-distract and half-amuse you for a few seconds. Eventually you can turn those few seconds into a few minutes. It can get a lot better than you think right now. The alternative is taking this unbelievably intricate brain - capable of everything from deep levels of self-awareness to understanding the inner workings of the universe and contemplating incredible, complex mysteries - and turning it into fertilizer.
Dragging ourselves through the misery is the only way to get past it to something else. Myself and many others like me can testify that there is hope even for someone who has utterly despaired of life for long periods of time - someone who couldn't take it any more and tried to end it all, who got help from friends and still wanted to die - to get beyond that state of not being able to imagine how things could possibly ever improve.
Shit, once in a while even these days I still feel a twinge of that old pull toward nothingness-- but although it took time, things changed.
I'm glad I did, because they were right. And now I have things to look forward to again. Even if you do not have a number, please, talk to me in pm. Sorry this place hasn't helped you. I don't know if I could do what you are planning and I'm sure you've given it a lot of thought. Maybe you can try to talk this thing through before you do your plan.
Do you honestly believe there is nothing you can do to change your life for the better? Killing yourself is saying that all other options don't work for some reason. Often those reasons are not really that big. Yes, because nothing i fucking do keeps life from getting shittier. Nothing takes away depression. Nothing takes away loss. Nothing takes away pain. It just fucking builds up and up and up on itself and becomes worse and worse. There is literally no reason to want to be alive.
We live in a world where people have to fight for basic human rights just because wealthy adults furiously masturbate to a fucking fairy tale. I hope you find happiness somehow, whether it be in your decision or in something that stops you from it.
I don't have that privledge. I have to fight to stay alive every fucking day and it's all for god damned nothing. The world has never been an easy or free place to be. I guess I'll give you that. If you need medical help and you haven't attempted to get it then you should think about doing so.
Blaming the world won't change your bad luck in the genetic department. Why don't you just cut your life loose by traveling or falling off the grid. Beats dying because you are scared to make a real change. If after a few months you still see no hope then that is that. I have manic depression and bad anxiety. I'm too scared to "end" it. I have met a few people in the past couple of months that made me realize not everyone completely sucks. A lot of negativity within you.
If you reduce your negativity within yourself, more positive outcomes and events will follow for you. I know it's cheasy but make the change in yourself and you will see those changes transfer to your surroundings. I don't mean this to come out the wrong way, but I browsed most of your post on other subreddits and there is a lot of negativity in almost every post.
Have you found any subreddit that you enjoy? What was the source of your downfall into this kind of thinking? I do think after a while, psychiologically you can't stay this pent up, you will feel a little better after a while, and I think you need to try antidepressants and anti anxiety pills before you consider ending it.
I used to be suicidal in my teens,. Evr since I've lived the most useless life, but I am still surviving. Have you thought about joining some kind of charity group or volunteering? Drop everything and go build houses in Africa or something. Just don't fucking hurt anyone in the process. You want to end it all?
Sorta something I always knew, but this reminded me.
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He tickled one nipple with his tongue and slapped my ass firmly. He undid one button of his shirt before dropping to his knees.
I shivered at the thought of what was about to happen and leaned my head back. You can only cum when I say so. I felt him push the black fabric to the side and slide a finger inside of me. I arched my back, pushing my ass in the air in response. He was purposeful, swirling along inside of me while simultaneously tickling my clit.
My eyes fluttered closed as I focused on the sensations. I was so wet, and so horny. He turned it on and my whole body tensed and shook. He continued making circles with his fingers as he eased the toy in and out, in and out.
I sighed and melted into his hands. He pulsed the toy inside of me while also rubbing my most sensitive spot. The combination of the toys and the ambiance and my sexy, sexy boyfriend controlling my body was just too much. I needed him inside of me or I needed to cum. I had never felt so turned on in my life. I heard a zipper and a wrapper and before I knew it, his perfect cock slid into me.
I moaned loudly and backed up into him. His pants were gone but his shirt was still on. The girls who had been doing each other were now each stroking the cock of a different guy, fingering themselves in the process while watching us.
Four other men were there, each staring and drinking, taking it all in. Derrick thrusted a few times forcefully, spanking me again in between each motion. I rocked on my knees and moaned audibly, making sure to lock eyes with Braydon who had found his way into the room.
I nodded in agreement and straddled him, backwards. My heels were on either side of his hips as I lowered myself onto him. God he felt so good. I moved up and down and I felt him reach around to rub me while we fucked. He was so hard, and I was so wet. I braced my hands on the arm rests and moved fasted, moved harder. Every so often I would pause at the tip of him and slowly move down, circling my hips. Each time he would groan in pleasure and I felt him scratch up my back. I moved his hand from my clit to my mouth, sucking on his fingers and tasting myself on him.
He groaned loudly, spilling into me as he finished but I kept going, I was so close. Derrick pushed me off of him mid thrust and I fell forward, back onto my hands and knees. He put the vibrator to my clit this time and slid his still hard cock into me. He collapsed onto me, both of our bodies spasming and shaking. We breathed deeply, coming back down from the high of fucking each other and putting on a show for all of those people.
He raised his eyebrows and silently raised his glass to me before wandering away. A new Thought Catalog series exploring our connection to each other, our food, and where it comes from.
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