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What a way to start a post, Carrie! Hopefully a little bit of this will be able to help a few of you making some of those decisions now. None of that matters to me. I had a young girl get in touch regarding her relationship and going to university. I was in the very same predicament aged eighteen. Of course, the responses told me not to be so silly and to ditch my teenage boyfriend and concentrate on my studies. We ended up at universities so close to each other that we were able to move in together.
If you had any questions, feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below. You go through so much change during your teens and twenties, and it can either push people apart or bring them closer together. Thankfully for Miguel and I it was the latter — but I think a lot of that was allowing each other to be our own person. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 14, and I am now I went to uni close to home but still moved there for the first year and hated it!
I think you touched on some really important topics that span well beyond relationships. The key is to always follow your own heart. There are no rules in life. We each pave our own unique path. You are so right, no one can tell you what your experience is going to be like but you. Exactly — I felt that I should be listening to people online tell me what to do with my life, which would have been completely wrong for me.
Such a good post and I hope this can inspire others like it has me! I was quite lucky in the sense that he decided not to go to Uni but work fulltime so he could come and see me quite regularly on weekends, even if I was snowed under with deadlines he would help with the cooking and laundry so I could get on with my work.
Hello Carrie, Thank you for sharing your story. I was with my husband since we were 15, and we got married in our mid-twenties. We had an absolute fairy tale life.
All of our friends wished that they had what we had. We were the perfect couple, and sacrificed a lot for each other. Our lives were amazing and I was very happy. This last year he got a serious case of FOMO. He started hanging out with a different crowd, dressing differently, and drinking. One morning he announced that he was leaving me for a woman who in known in my community for extremely unsafe and negative behavior. My perfect life was over and I was divorced by It was no fault of mine, but the fear of missing out is definitely something that can lie dormant and reveal its ugly face at any time.
My life could have been radically different and significantly less painful. Would I change anything? And it would start at The good times have not been worth the bad. Megan — this was me. Together with my long term bf from 16 married at 26 divorced at It sounds like your breakup is still raw.
It will get easier, I promise! Carrie, it sounds like you and Miguel have that mutual respect for each other so as long as you keep talking and keep being honest and open you guys will be great. This was beautifully written and I hope you write more posts like this in the future. I enjoyed everything because i was happy being myself with him by my side and now we are together for almost 7 years and living in England starting a new life so i understand perfectly what you are saying. This post is exactly what I needed today so thank you.
My boyfriend and I are both from Somerset but I am at uni in London whilst he is in Durham and it can sometimes be so frustratingly hard for us to be apart. We are in love and we need to just adapt to this new part of our lives together. I too have been with my husband since I was 15, we both studied in London at different universities.
We got married at 22 straight after graduation and have had 3 children together. I am now 34 and I can easily say this was the best decision for us. We grew up together, have shared all our best moments together and have wonderful children.
Over the years we have received many comments about meeting so young many unwelcome! Stick with confidence in your relationship I am sure you will have a wonderful like together. Hi Carrie, what lovely post. The main events that really shook our relationship was when I got the opportunity to go live abroad.
I got to see everything I wanted, met a lot a people, did a lot of traveling but always came back to him and always preferred his company. Thank you so much for this post Carrie! Thanks again for this post! Thanks for that post! I think it can really help some of the younger ones and the older ones.
To hold onto dreams, to work on being a team etc. You 2 guys are sooooo cute together, made for each other! What a great post, I am in the same situation as you, and I am really glad of that. I just think like you about this topic.
I still went to university and we met up every weekend. Having fun together, but also with other people, is key! We never planned it and yet somehow, despite going through being bereaved I lost my dad a few months after my 20th birthday , moving in together, graduating, job hunting, moving up and down the country multiple times and changing careers, it has always felt right having him by my side.
Our coupled up experience of young adult life is different to that of a single person, yes. I am so grateful for the lessons that being with Harry, and trying to build a life which will bring us what we need as individuals as well as as a couple, have taught me. I know he pushes me to do good things, and often things I might be too scared to do alone, and I am always so grateful to have had his support.
I do just wish we could be left alone with that choice a little more often, rather than bombarded with negative statistics special thanks to those that linked me to a guardian article on why so many marriages under 30 end in divorce…. Harry has had SO many comments about settling down being dreadful, it is almost ridiculous.
But people like to point out that this is my first real relationship and I might be missing out on life, experiences and even other love stories. Everyone lives its own way…. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for this post Carrie. I love this post! This post is amazing! That only means you can get more time with that person. You and Miguel are very lucky, Carrie!! This was a very interesting read to me. This is sooo relevant to me, thank you for posting!
You and Miguel are the cutest and happiest looking couple ever. Your engagement post omg. I so wish any of my relationships had worked out so well. Unfortunately university did get between me and one ex of mine, who moved down to London from the north to follow his dream.
I felt perfectly happy including him on my blog and he even started his own. Unfortunately, time, distance and committments well, and his management of the them made it impossible for our relationship to continue. Carrie, this post was perfect. My partner and I are in our early 20s and have been together 3 years, of which one and a half were intercontinental long distance.
Such a lovely post- I have never been in this type of relationship- but I remember having to make this decision when I was choosing to go to uni and my boyfriend at the time was not.
We broke up for different reasons, but I totally understand that pull of what you want to do and still being loyal. I found myself going through a similar experience when I finished university. I had been with my boyfriend since I was 18 and we had supported each other through university. Everybody was sort of pressuring me to go off and do my own thing rather than staying here and waiting for him to finish.
Love is so important. My husband and I got married when we were No age or path guarantees blissful commitment. Love this post, very relatable! The truth is, we both just enjoyed the same things in school, and it was far easier to be together. I started dating my husband when we were The right person will be supportive and work hard to keep the relationship strong.
Do your friends endorse your relationship wholeheartedly, or give you sideways looks or eye rolls when you are all together? Has your family made any comments? I know they're cute, but Is it your lover's temper, reliability, or treatment of you? Steel yourself to get a clear answer. How has this person treated previous partners?
If you hear contempt, unfinished business or slurs about your predecessors, watch out. On the other hand, if other partners seem to be cleanly out of the way and held in some respect, that's a good sign. Or ask yourself how you feel when you are with them. When you are not making love are you relaxed, comfortable, and supported? Or are you feeling confused, angry, or invisible?
I was once in a long-term relationship with a man whom I couldn't decide whether to stay with or leave. There was lots of chemistry, yet I knew something wasn't right. In my indecision, I resorted to keeping track on a scale of of how I felt after each interaction with him. We would talk by phone every night, and after each call, and time spent together, I would jot down 7, or 9, or 4. It probably sounds nerdy, but having some data helped me see that this relationship wasn't a good long-term fit for me.
It was hard, though. I had to recognize the costs. My frequent anger at him eroded my peace of mind, along with my ability to relax and enjoy the rest of my life. I had to let go of all that was good about our relationship. I also had to believe that life held other, better possibilities both for my love life and for a man who would be in a fathering role with my sons.
I did, in time, find some one with a blend of character and chemistry who felt better all around. If you plan one day to have a family, it is important to consider your partner's co-parent potential. You will never make a more important decision in your life. Or is it me? I am far from perfect, I have scars and weaknesses, too.
Am I the problem? Well, I can tell you one thing: It sounds as if you are confident and self-possessed — wonderful things to be, but they can be really attractive for people who lack those attributes; whereas it sounds as if you are looking for someone a bit more like yourself. I was left wondering what your experiences of relationships were before you got married. There was a sense of a reawakening in you after you got divorced. This is not uncommon in people who have been married a long time; they can go back into the dating scene with the vigour of a teenager, only to find the landscape has changed.
I consulted Kirstie McEwan, a relationship and sexual therapist cosrt. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations which allow them to be unfulfilled? However, I think this might be a shame because looking for a partner is a bit like house-hunting. You begin with a list of things you want, but what can happen is you end up with something you never planned on, but which just blows you away. I think your subconscious knows this, which is why it is picking faults with everyone.
To continue the house analogy: One thing gave me pause — you seem hypercritical of certain rather human traits. This can be a sign of someone who lives very much in their head, with a fantastical idea of a partner, ie not someone animate, with failings. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
He lasted all of one night, but it was one of those short term relationships that different priorities when it comes to the length of relationships we're seeking. If you plan one day to have a family, it is important to consider your partner's co- parent potential. This is not uncommon in people who have been married a long time; they can go back into the dating scene with the vigour of a teenager, only.