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Yeah, I know, imagine that. She's in a new relationship now. They are not swingers, and she's way happier than she ever was with her ex-husband. And that's kind of the point here. Due to this rocky introduction, we were initially hesitant to get into the scene. But the aforementioned couple did turn us on to websites like Kasidie and Lifestyle Lounge, where you can keep up with the scene and meet other couples kind of like OKCupid, but for swingers. Through these sites, we found information on local mixers -- discreet get-togethers at bars, where swingers can meet each other and newbies can get their toes wet stop giggling in a chill setting.
The veteran couples we met at these mixers were always welcoming and more than willing to offer us advice on getting started. And perhaps most importantly, they never pressured us into doing anything we weren't ready for. In fact, we soon realized the scene is all about asking before you initiate any sort of contact with someone. That was a welcome relief for us, especially after the pressure my wife had previously received from the aforementioned husband.
As we met more and more couples who were understanding and patient, who were happy to stop the moment one of us hesitated, we realized that there are some truly good and decent people in the lifestyle. And as we got more comfortable, we started being willing to do more. That led us to three years' worth of conversations about how far we were willing to go, what exactly we were looking for within the scene, and above all else, how we were in this together. We didn't want to end up in a situation where one of us was like, "I'm bored.
I'm going out fuck-hunting. If I get lucky, I'll see you tomorrow, loser! After three years of dabbling in local mixers without ever really hooking up with any other couples , we decided to take the next step: In Las Vegas, of course, because duh. This one was going to be a four-day takeover of an entire hotel, with over 1, swingers in attendance. As we were packing for the trip, we psyched ourselves up for what we were sure would be a massive hour orgy of writhing bodies.
We had another long discussion about how far we were willing to go "Let's just go for it all" was our consensus this time , and we showed up with roughly every condom produced that year. Our fantasies were dashed pretty quickly.
The first night, we walked into the venue and saw a bunch of people dressed in the sexiest attire we could imagine think Vegas nightclub, but without any rules about indecent exposure. Everyone looked smoking hot, but we couldn't for the life of us figure out how to talk to anyone. As we walked around, we noticed that everyone seemed to be hanging out in their own cliques.
We felt pretty awkward, but we soon realized that this is just natural human behavior. People gravitate toward those they already know. And when you throw in the strong likelihood that you're going to be exchanging fluids with them later on in the evening, then of course, you're going to be a bit more discriminating about who you're hanging out with.
After two hours of hapless attempts to make eye contact and smile, we finally met a group who welcomed us into their circle. But even then, we soon realized that a get-together of swingers doesn't always end in a massive orgy. Sometimes people just want to catch up. The orgy with this group came the second night seriously, stop giggling. The first night was mostly flirting. And that's the weird thing that I never expected: Because ultimately, these people are friends first albeit friends who make each other sticky.
As we delved into the scene, we realized that every couple has their own specific interests. Some prefer to attend parties and participate in orgies like my wife and I, as we soon realized. Some are more "introverted" I know, it's a weird term in this situation , preferring to meet other couples through the lifestyle websites. Some couples will do everything but sex soft swap. Other couples will have sex full swap , but only if everyone is in the same room. Many couples get into the lifestyle because the woman realizes she is bisexual, so they're looking for couples where the women can play with each other, but the men are only involved with their own partners, which may sound complicated or even frustrating for the man, but really is far from something to complain about.
And as we've mentioned before , there are "unicorns" -- single women who play with couples, so named because their rarity and allure are almost mythical. Then there are the fake swingers. These couples tend to be younger. They attend all the big events, and if there's a stripper pole in the room, you can bet they'll be the first ones on it.
But when it comes down to the actual swinging, they're more into the exhibitionist aspect of the lifestyle and ultimately are not looking for sex with other couples. Since each couple sets their own boundaries, when we're out meeting other swingers, the first thing we have to figure out is what they're into. There are so many different levels of swinging that even people who've been in the lifestyle for decades can't keep track.
In case the three years of negotiations I mentioned didn't drive the point home, a lifestyle couple simply can't have any communication barriers. You have to trust each other percent and be open with each other about everything. Imagine the level of trust you need to be able to tell your partner, "I'm really attracted to this person, and I'd like to have sex with them" As an example of that communication and trust, here's a story one couple we met early on shared with us:.
A massage parlor opened up near his work, and he had a sneaking suspicion it was one of those sketchy ones. He told her about it, so she laughed and replied, "Yeah, you go and check it out. Let me know how that goes. It did, in fact, turn out to be one of those massage parlors where you don't get just a massage. He opted for the "happy ending," but as he explained, it was by far the most mechanical, uncomfortable experience his penis had ever endured.
He likened it to being in the grip of a jackhammer. But here's the best part: She thought it was hilarious, and they both still laugh about it to this day. Twisted as that may sound, there was something we found oddly admirable about a couple who could joke about something like this together.
My wife and I agree that stories like this are a big part of what drew us into the scene -- the fact that couples are comfortable engaging in these silly sexcapades and telling each other about them. We've only been married a few years, but seriously, we now believe this is how you 1 make a marriage last, and 2 keep it exciting for decades to come. Just because we're swingers doesn't mean that we'll fuck any random genitals that people whip out. But that's kind of the impression outsiders get, right?
Even when we're ready for sex, we have to respect the other couples, and we definitely don't want to be the awkward aggressive one. So there ends up being a lot of "feeling each other out," so to speak. OK fine, you can giggle at that one. No matter how excited we get, we have to recognize when our partner is 1 uncomfortable with the person we're hooking up with, 2 uncomfortable with the person they're supposed to be hooking up with, or 3 just plain not in the mood.
A failure to do so is the surest way to jam a spiked butt plug into your relationship. In fact, this was something we noticed about our now-divorced friends. It didn't matter how clearly not into another couple she was, he would keep going and even berate her for not being in the mood.
Remember how I mentioned that the wife was pretty ambivalent about me? That never stopped the husband from trying to hit on my wife. And in the end, that only made all three of us my wife and I, as well as his wife uncomfortable.
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